Monogomy, yay or nay

Discussion in 'Free Love' started by grimjivey, Feb 1, 2006.

  1. grimjivey

    grimjivey Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Monogomy, is it a natural expression of true love, or an unnatural standard set long ago by the Christian church?

    I vote the church one...
     
  2. Hikaru Zero

    Hikaru Zero Sylvan Paladin

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    Monogamy and polygamy are both natural.

    Ideally, a monogamy would be my preference. But, realistically, I think I'd prefer polygamy a lot more.
     
  3. Bella_Donna

    Bella_Donna *Femme Fatale*

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    I think the old fashioned notion of monogomy is beautiful. However, living out that dream is not possible for everyone, I believe.
     
    2 people like this.
  4. JerryGarciasGuitar

    JerryGarciasGuitar Member

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    ^yeah some people can't pull it off.

    People in a relationship need to have a very similar sex drive if they want to be monogamous.

    I don't see it as an inherently good thing. I think in order to think that you have to have a certain opinion on what the nature of sex is. If both partners think of sex as a very physical thing and seperate it psychologically from when they make love(because i think theres a difference, being that the latter has a certain emotional aspect not present in the former) then they can have a sexually open relationship. If not then you have a problem.

    Different people have varying viewpoints on this subject and none of them are necessarily wrong. I happen to think its red bicycle/blue bicycle. But i think even in this day the vast majority of society would disagree with me and pre-judge me as a piece of shit for advocating sexually open relationships.

    As liberal as people are now when it comes to the sex lives of singles, they are still quite traditional in their viewpoints of sex in relationships. I brought this topic up at a more mainstream board and I was demonized by a hord of women as some sort of horrible mysognist(sp?). And they seemed to insist that all women agreed with them. :rolleyes

    Ladies, why is that many women seem to think they can speak for all women?
     
  5. ponydozer

    ponydozer Member

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    I think its a bit like when one guy cheats on his girlfriend and his friends say nothing to the girlfriend. We like to think our sisters have our backs :) Nah I dunno, really.

    I have wondered this too, I think that monogamy has been learnt by our society...I was once told by a social studies teacher that once men knew that when a woman bears a child it is because they have had sex with her, they stopped caring for 'other men's' children (whereas beforehand, the womans' brother helped her take care of the children).

    Because of this, if a woman already had children, no other man would try to (mate?) with her (we're talking caveman times). And therefore she couldn't have sex with many men. After that, it developed so that women were seen as a man's property, which furthermore developed the concept of monogamy.

    I dunno if she was right but it sounds believable. I think 'love' is a learnt concept as well, but I have no problem having love and monogamy in my life. I can't imagine it any other way, whether they are real or not.
     
  6. ponydozer

    ponydozer Member

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    And yes, I believe the church pushed it further. But it was already there before then. I dont want to sound like a feminist but I think these things are the result of a patriarchial society, which dates back to cavemen.
     
  7. FrozenMoonbeam

    FrozenMoonbeam nerd

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    I think that whatever works for you AND your partner(s) is fine fine fine. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult then whatever feels right can be right - monogamy, polygamy, just be a big cheesy and follow your heart.

    Personally, i would be most comfortable with monogamy, i like the idea of being able to build a life with someone and grow old with them. But that's just me.
     
  8. stevepremo

    stevepremo loves life

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    "Personally, i would be most comfortable with monogamy, i like the idea of being able to build a life with someone and grow old with them. But that's just me."

    I have a strong, committed primary relationship, with a wonderful wife to whom I am fully committed and completely faithful, with whom I have built a life, and with whom I expect to grow old if we both live long enough. And we have a wonderful and passionate sexual connection.

    And we both have secondary relationships with other lovers, from whom we also get love, and joy, and a strong heart connection, as well as sex and passion.

    It's harder than monogamy, because there are more people whose feelings must be processed, and polyamory does bring up stuff! But I'm very happy with my life.
     
  9. MeMilesAway

    MeMilesAway Member

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    it's what I'm doing currently so yay. Almost 7 years in a relationship, 5 as hubsand and wife, 20 months now with baby involved. In the deep deep recess of myself, as was played out in my past, I am a slut. So ideally i would choose poly because it would most satisfy my internal desire to get lots of women naked and have my way with them.


    but as long as i can make a marriage work i would never think of anything except being faithful and exclusive...thats the commitment part of monogomy that makes it cool and right on.
     
  10. lakshen

    lakshen Forn SiĆ°r

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    I don't know, personally I prefer mono... I'd like to have something special with a girl, and I wouldn't want anyone else to be able to say that they'd "done" my girl...

    But as to the natural or not issue, first of all there are monogamous animals, second of all... Does it really matter? We're humans, not animals... I eat meat, but my appendix tells me that I naturally once ate green stuff...
    So do what you feel like I say...!?
     
  11. LuvlyLolita

    LuvlyLolita Member

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    I think it depends. It's kind of strange to think that humans are supposed to "mate" with only one person (once they settle down) for the rest of their lives...
    At the same time, when you fall for someone, you get that whole protectective thing where you don't want to share...
    Then again, there are those that can live with sharing and it even enhances the relationship
    Ok, I think it's a tough call
     
  12. tuatara

    tuatara Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    since humans are dimorphic ,anthropological studies would suggest that humans are not monogamic ...they base this on the male of the species being bigger(dimorphism) ,hence the alpha male had all the females (plural)........most animals in nature that are monogamic are not dimorphic ,in other words both males and females are the same size..........and as with everything else ,this is my synopsis..............if you can't convince them ,confuse them ...lol
     
  13. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

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    Dimorphism affects a lot more than just body size, it encompasses all differences between genders for any given species.

    As for monogamy and dimorphism.... do you have any links to show where you got this evidence from? any sort of proof of it that the rest of us can take a peek at?




    Yay or nay.... I'm a big fan of it for myself. I can't imagine sharing myself that way with many people, it's somethign terribly important and sacred to me. Doesn't mean I'll never have threesomes or discuss these kinds of things with my partner at the time, but I definitely have a strong preference for monogamy (I like committed kinds of relationships, casual sex has never been my forte)
     
  14. grimjivey

    grimjivey Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    I've never had any threesomes nor any casual sex to speak of. I just think that a few marriages might be saved, if some flexibility were introduced, sexually speaking.
     
  15. svensenjensen

    svensenjensen Member

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    Humans have evolved to be both monogamous and promiscuous . When our scrotum and penis size is compared to other primates we are much large than the Gorilla who picks one partner and keeps for life, The chimpanzees penis size is much larger because of the promiscuous lifestyles having to constantly fight to reproduce. So humans are just doing what we have learned to do, we can be both.
     
  16. thespeez

    thespeez Member

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    I believe that monogamy was not an origional teaching of the church. With christianity gaining greater acceptance with the populace of the day, the Roman Empire saw an opportunity to infiltrate the church and promote teachings that were not spiritually motivated but politically motivated. With Romans normally practicing monogamy and with the general apathy among the public, this became the standard of the church. Here's an intersting expose on polyamory and Christian compatability:
    http://www.libchrist.com/bible/compatible.html
     
  17. lovelightlisa

    lovelightlisa Senior Member

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    i think it depends on who you're dealing with
    i had a relationship with a guy and his girlfriend
    i absolutely loved them both
    it was a great relationship and it worked cuz we all loved eachother
    i think it's 'natural' to be with whomever you feel you should be
    doesnt matter if that ends up to be monogamous or polyamorous.
     
  18. Texplayboy

    Texplayboy Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Honesty is more important that Monogamy. You have to feel good about your partner's choice to be as free as you wish to be. Sex has been used to judge too many emotions and the gage we all use to measure our "love" & "trust". It is hard to be honest about what you want, and to trust that your partner will still love you.

    My wife is asked why she allows me to have a girlfriend. Her answer is "because I love him". "I love you so much that sex is not the issue" is much better than "I love you, unless you sleep with someone else". We realized before we said "I DO" that most of the people we know were not being honest with each other, nor with themselves. We choose a different path, and the first three years have been wonderful, she has an option to renew every five years.

    You can BET I am doing everything I can to make sure she wants to keep me. I would be nuts to let this one get away...

    James

    PS, I know what you are thinking.. what about the girlfriend, how fair is this to her?.. I am a person in her life that she enjoys a fun night out with. One day she will have someone who is more than a friend and our friendship will change to accommodate her new choice.
     
  19. rastapatch

    rastapatch Member

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    There is a lot of learning for us to do on this subject. The different control paradigms of the past have not encouraged freedom, and sex was just one of the tools.

    First, monogamy only means one wife. It actually addresses the woman as not part of the discussion, only the object of it. The same is true of polygamy, which is why polygamy is illegal (it is unfair to women).
    Polygamy means more than one wife, and again doesn't ask the woman, but tells her.

    Polyamory means more than one love, and does not definitively include nor include sex or marraige
    POLYFIDELITY is a word that more folks should know. It means more than one commitment. In polyfidelity (my preference) both the man and the woman have the choice to start a relationship, but are still 'required' to behave in a fidelitous manner; with dating, courtship, engagement and other traditions being acknowledged and enjoyed.

    Almost all of my relationships in my life have been polyfidelitous.

    Monogamy is much more popular with young folks, who practice it like "serial monogamy" and are not always safe. It is also popular with older folks, who have already had enough "serial monogamy" and are ready to 'settle down'. To me it all too often looks like sef delusionment.
    I'm all for folks doing what they want (with eternity in thier hearts), but i do not remember very many "monogamous" relationship that were %100 successful. Most either had 'mistakes' or lies of occaisions or etc.
    I prefer to be honest with myself and my spouses about my occaisions, than have to lie or call them mistakes.
     
  20. lovelightlisa

    lovelightlisa Senior Member

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    Hey, rastapatch great post!

    "I prefer to be honest with myself and my spouses about my occaisions, than have to lie or call them mistakes."

    I totally agree with you on this.
     

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