please help!!!! im scared of this love

wow this is weird im not sure exactly if old crone is answering all of these but he/she seems to have alot of wisdom...


this guy i have been with for a while has been using coke, and herion for quite some time and he just recently got out of a 10 day rehab, and now he is in an out program, he gets to go home everyday, and he has been soooo moody lately, and its like he is a completely different person, and i hate being around him but i know if im not around him 24/7 he will definitly use again...and i really really love this guy and i want nothing but the best for him, but alot of people are telling me i have to let him do this on his own,and they're telling me to leave him alone for a little while, the rehab is telling me to do it too and well the other day he kinda hurt me, he like grabbed me throat and told me the shut up b4 he hurt me, and he was extremely upset after it and he cried and told me he was sorry and that he loved me and he could not stop apoligizing and ahhh i just dont know what to do and im really scared for him and myself, and i dont wanna leave him but i think i might hafta, but i totally love this kid and he is trying so hard to be clean and he is doing a good job right now but he has these moods swings that are unbeleavable....



please help me what should i do

 

Since you seem to be in communication with the rehab & treatment people, they've probably explained that he's gonna be not quite himself for a couple months while his system cleans out all the drugs, usually 2 to 6 months. I've only seen this from the other side, I was the one kicking and I know I was a real treat to be around. The pro's have probably also given the general guideline about not changing ANYTHING else in one's life for at least six months, most places say for a year. I hope you can work through this with him, if you both want to, just gotta take things slowly for a while. Sounds like you could use some space, and if he spends every free second with you he's not going to develop the skill to resist when you're not around later on. Make sure he has a few contact numbers of people in his 12 step group of choice before you leave him on his own though, or at the very least post the AA or NA helpline # by the phone. There were days that a very good friend would call me every hour on the hour to make sure I was still okay, and if I ever didn't answer she swore she'd hunt me down and drag me home by the short and curlies. I've never been to one of their meetings, but Alanon (for those effected by the alcoholics/addicts in their lives) and Narcanon (less common, for families/sweethearts of addicts) have helped a number of people I know, there's Alateen and Alatot (heard of it, never seen any meetings listed) too, for younger people effected by someone else's substance problems. The treatment center should have a meeting list for at least the Alanon meetings, probably Narcanon too if there's any in your area.
Have as many hugs as you'd like- you've earned every one-
Allis

 

whatshould i do about him hitting me should i tell sum1

he's never hit me b'4 and i know he's sorry

 

abuse doesnt stop....the fact he does drugs is worst.i mean ur young, and yeah theres a lot we all havent done at this age...or know...but i suggest u dump him...and yeah...cuz he hit you, he can do it again..abuse can kill.n it does....so Be safe an maybe oldcronecan help.

love

 

Hi PsyChO

Co-dependance is not love, and co-dependance destroys. Whenever we try to save someone from themselves, we are asking for our own validation, and destruction in a round about way. The intent seems clear, we only want to help. But the truth is our help adds to the problem.

Until we realize we are our own healers inside, and our own salvation, (if you will we will) we will never be able to enter a relationship, or connection with someone else, and be whole in the connection.

Whatever you start a connection with, will eventually ask you why you made the choices you did.

Back on the farm I grew up on we had this metal shed. Well one day dad asked my brother to repair the out house as a few holes, and rough edges were getting bigger. My brother in a hurry took some pieces of metal from the back of the metal shed, and nailed them in place on the outhouse. Not sure if you have ever had to sit on cold metal in the winter to do your business but its not pretty. The metal shed rusted out, and eventually had to be torn down, and the out house slide off the foundation. Ever tried to take care of buisness when the wind is as icy as the driveway, and its around zero in tempture.

Short cuts do not work. Saving someone from their """THEIR"" choices never works, and becoming part of the problem only adds to the destruction. Abuse does not go away, and love is not enough. WE ARE OUR CHOICES. Why you choose, and what you choose to start with will matter in the end results. There are two sides to the saving, and savior complex, and the co-dependance. Sometimes the only way to say I Love You is to say I believe in your right to choose the lessons, and path that you draw unto yourself.

 

thank you all!!!! i will take all this in to consideration