Why are there so many rules for Dating?

Why does it seem like there are so many rules for dating?

Like I always hear waiting X amount of days to call someone, wait X amount of Dates to Sleep with someone, etc.

It seems these 'regulations' kind of limit the ways in which love can be expressed. Do these societal norms usurp love? Is there an aspect of fear involved in making these rules so formulaic? or is it that many people who approach dating are not necessarily looking for love and these rules cater more to the niceties of so called civilized behavior?

 

I think the not calling rule makes a bit of sense!

It's like if I'm going to go on a date with someone that I don't know very well and I'm calling them all the time, it feels a little bit stalker-ish to the person being called. It's like I'm not aware of the social norm around using the telephone! Probably happens all the time...

 

Calling all the time and waiting an arbitrary amount of time to call are 2 different scenarios. But perhaps the latter has been developed and informed by the former.

That's kind of what I was getting at when I questioned whether these norms were developed out of fear.

 

Nobody actually calls though anymore do they? it's all about the text.
Yo sup, have fun last night?

 

I didn't know there were dating rules outside of mediocre romantic comedies

 

Yeah lol, too much comedy sitcoms for you folks lol.

In the real world where people are real.. you just do what feels right. As a female, I think I'd like a call the next day. Tell me I was beautiful, tell me you had fun with me, that movie was shit wasn't it lol, how dorky.

 

I would tell you but there are too many rules for explaining.

 

The three day rule is awful for both parties. The person doing the calling spends 3 days getting more and more nervous and the person receiving the call (or text, its 2017) worries if it will come at all or not

I do think there is something to be said for playing it cool though. It just seems hollow when someone comes on too strong too early. If you've only known someone a week you don't know if you actually like them or not, how could you, you dont know them. It sucks to think someone is super into you then you do something that turns them off and all of a sudden that whirlwind romance is over. Its better to keep some distance until you know someone and can make an informed decision on how much you actually like them

 

There are so many rules for everything though. No ice cream for breakfast. Wearing just a bra and underwear is only acceptable at the beach. Everyone must have sex but you can't talk about it. Don't poop in public places. Only women can carry handbags. When someone asks you have you are doing, you're supposed to say "good", even if you aren't. You can't wear the same pants more than one day in a row. Etc.

 

If you need to read the rulebook, you are dating the wrong person. When you find the right person and you both goof it all up, you will have plenty to laugh about in the future............ My simple rule in life is,,, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, Cry and you cry alone".

 

fuck.

 

I just do what seems right...I'm an uncivilized rebel who plays by his own rules.

 

So you don't believe love at first site actually exists?

 

No not at all. I think intense attraction at first sight exists and if you happen to fall in love with someone you were attracted to from the very beginning it can be easy to believe you always loved them, but I just dont see how you can love someone without knowing them. To me its more like you just lucked out and lusted at first site after someone who turned out to be an amazing person deserving of your love. It just as easily could have went another way if the object of your desire turned out to be a d-bag.

I'm not a very good romantic. Do you believe in love at first sight?

 

It's a filtration process.....some people's filters are overly protective whereas other people have little to no filter (which can be just as bad, if not worse)....it can go both ways really.

 

They're unwritten rules. Don't treat them like dogmas.

For instance, I would tolerate it perfectly fine if YFM would show up in her underwear on lets say the second date

 

I understand not liking the idea of these sort of player-esque guidelines for when to do this and what to do when. But also, and on a more personal note, I don't get dating. It's a novel concept but it feels really formal, and for what? To try to get into somebody's pants. If a person were dating just to get to know someone that'd be a different story I think. With that as framework, I think the question of why there are so many rules really makes good sense to ask. And perhaps that answers our question as well.

I think that there are so many rules and suggestions because of what men hope to achieve by dating. And I'm a man myself, so that's saying something!

 

You're totally wrong, Soul. Lots of people also date to get to know someone. And what do you mean with its a novel idea? People have been asking each other to go on a date before we were born. And it only feels as formal as the 2 people partaking in it make it feel (ok, it could be due to one of them in particular)

 

Really? You think I'm totally wrong? I thought I made some good points. To each his own I suppose. I still don't and probably won't ever totally get it, but I think it's very structured (i.e. go to dinner, attend a movie) , and money driven (which restaurant and what movie in which theater and in which part of town etc.). I guess it really doesn't sound all that bad, but I can just see myself totally messing it up. You see, I've never really dated before. I have had steady girlfriends but we never went on dates. Perhaps this is at the root of why I remain single to this day! Lol. I'm not worried at all...