The camaraderie among men

Hello, this is my first post here.

I'm a 34 yr old straight male ... not the macho beer-guzzling puffy chest type but the humble deep thinking emotional sensitive kind. I stumbled across this forum while searching the web for men's forums. I thought I'd introduce myself with a topic that I'd like to get others' input on.

All my adult life, until recently, I chased after women desperately, seeking the complete "happy ever after" package replete with love, sex, emotional intimacy, stability, security, bla bla bla. At best, I found little glimpses of it here and there every few years or so on average. My attempts at relationships had an average lifespan of roughly 2 weeks. I somehow squeezed 8 months out of one of them.

Anyway, long story short, I got the crap beaten out of me (emotionally and psychologically) by women so many times that the desperation and longing for women is now long gone. And now, I realize what I've really missed all those years I was chasing women - the wonderful camaraderie among men. I think back to times playing sports as a kid or man-camping trips, and I miss that awesome feeling of not needing to impress anyone ... of just being utterly and entirely myself and laughing and cursing and pranks and the silliest jokes ... of brotherhood. If you're not a man, you won't know what I'm talking about.

I haven't had any close male friends for about 10 years, as almost all my friends were women. I feel like I missed out :'( I feel like my focus was sorely misplaced. Now, I really don't care if I ever date another woman again ... or even if I ever have another female friend ... seriously. But, I would love to have a bunch of bros I could go camping with. No, I'm not gay now ... just don't want to be around women anymore.

Anyone know what I'm talking about ? I'm not asking for advice here ... just your thoughts on the subject and this kind of experience.

Thanks for reading.

 

I really like having both. Not sure why you would stop hanging around with one of the two.

 

Why Not Give "Bi-Sexuality" A Go.....I Remember The Saying From Years Ago......Being

Bi Doubles Your Chance Of A Date On A Saturday Night......LOL....



Cheers Glen.

 

Yes, of course, that would be ideal - having both. I just think I'm entirely fed up with women and their requirements and their drama. I don't like the person I am around women. But with men, it's like the pressure is off. If you can tell a joke or two, curse a bit, and drink beer, you're ok ... with most guys

 

As sad as the implication is, in my darkest moments, I have actually had that thought - "Wouldn't it improve my success rate if I were bi ?"

But, of course, I am in no way attracted to guys. So, that just wouldn't work

The strange thing is ... gay guys tend to find me very attractive for some reason ... probably because I'm not macho, and they mistake that for me being gay. I have worked with a few gay guys in the past, and they were onto me like flies on shit. And then I have to break the news to them ... sorry, pal

 

LOL........



Cheers Glen.

 

Notice how this post contradicts your first post.

I doubt any of those women thought you were "humble deep thinking emotional sensitive kind"

That is, they saw through the bullshit, because you were probably getting pissy with them for not putting out enough

Now the trouble with being a straight guy past about 35, is all the other guys fall into 3 categories

1. Married with kids, dont have time for you.
2. Secretly on the down lo
3. Always grumpy bastards you dont want to hang out with anyway

 

You think gay guys dont want macho guys.....because of like the two you worked with a decade ago?

 

Hmm, interesting that you found a contradiction. I also find it interesting that you took the few sentences I wrote and made some pretty bold assumptions about me.

Actually, they all found me "humble deep thinking emotional sensitive kind", because that's just the way I am at my core. Of course, I may say things out of frustration or cynicism that deviate from my true personality. I don't think you can judge me from the few sentences I've written on this forum. If you knew me in real life, you'd probably agree.

And, in fact, I was always the more "serious" partner in all my attempted relationships. I was never pissed about not enough sex. I wanted the whole package like I said, but the women I was with were just too insecure and didn't want to commit ... they probably didn't know what they were looking for.

I have never walked out of a relationship because of "not enough sex". My only long-term-ish relationship consisted of sex roughly once a month, and I almost married her

Why do you feel that men older than 35 are "grumpy bastards" ? Worn out by life ?

Also, what does #2 mean ? "Secretly on the down lo" ? You mean secretly gay ?

 

I don't know what gay guys want. That's why I used the word "probably" (but not "certainly"). I worked with 5 gay guys in college for a couple of years. Then another one at my real job. Then briefly met my cousin's best friend. i.e. more than 2.

I was just hypothesizing. I have no idea what gay guys (or anybody for that matter) want.

 

Ill answer your question about most over 35s being grumpy bastards with a challenge.

Try find 1/2 dozen that will go on a camping trip with you.

And yes, there are way more in that second category than you ever want to know about

 

yeah, ideally you need a mixture of both. you're right about guy time, it's just straight fun with no bullshit. but they're way worse to actually talk to, and they're awful to look at, and they don't feel good to touch, and they always insist on consuming an amount of alcohol that would kill a mid-sized elephant so there's always a need to recover for a few days after guy time.

but you're right, women work really hard to make you miserable too. in the end, weed and video games are the best companionship you're going to find. maybe a dog.

 

Friendship and romance are 2 very different things.
All too often, as guys reach their high teens they drop their friends in favor of finding a girl as a partner. It is a serious mistake, since with a group of friends, the whole dating and marriage thing sits in a different perspective, allowing you time to find the right partner, rather than just 'latching on' to girls for all the wrong reasons.
Regarding relationships, I always say that friendship can lead to romance, but the reverse is rarely true.
I worked with Jane for more than 2 years before our romance blossomed and we have now been together for more than 40 years.

 

I do find men easier to get along with throughout my life. Women can get weird around me if they find me interesting. Not all of course as i've met some with whom we were perfectly cool with each other.

 

I'm not sure, VG. Not wanting to go on a camping trip doesn't always mean 'I'm also not up for some chilling'.

 

This thread is so Brokeback Mountain so best of luck to you Jukai!

 

i disagree. i've been friends with exes before, but i've never convinced a female friend to be anything more than a friend.

 

I'm glad someone understands

 

You, Sir, are lucky and part of a critically endangered species

 

I never said it was going to be easy