So the Lesson I have Learned This time around Is.

(Note: Just me going through my thoughts.)

Hope is the most crippling thing I have ever encountered.

Granted, It was my fault for jumping head into it. I end up trying to tackle things unknown to me, thinking I could keep control and above such situations. However, this dragged me to ground rather quickly and kept me there for awhile. I see that I lucked out with my first relationship ending. It was a straight cut off (Yet still unknown why) but you can pick yourself up out of it in time.

Hope.. However, I found is a bit more then going through the depression then getting yourself out of it. It has the tendency for you to keep going back to the glimmer of light of which you do not know is there or not. Then recycle back into all the positives and negatives again and again. Worse yet, If you end up walking out of it, with just a spec of it left ... Your destined to be pulled back in. I do not even think I am out of it yet.... But I am a good distance off from being away from it.

I can now see the reasoning why the people Stacy Lulu has been with, have been completely screwed up. The only Good thing now is, I know what to say "No" to for future relationships I encounter.

To say how I stumbled into such a mess. It was quite easy, met up with someone in which had a few bad relationships in the past. So her idea was to try this out in phases. Which since I do not have as much experience in the matter. I went along and figured it was logical at that point in time, and let her control the situation. Things went great at first, did lots of the things and had lots of fun. Things went rather fast. I knew at some point it had to slow down. In which it did. But to a near halt and further more a withdraw ... Which then the phase thing started to come to mind more realistically. Logically all was going fine. There weren’t any arguments or anything of the like. I only thought things could go better.... But the result was the opposite which lead me astray to figure out the logic between it all.

Which lead me straight to "Hope". For that’s all I did was hope for things to get better and stay at a constant. However this did not happen and further distancing was the overall result. With not much of an explanation other then time constraints. Its amazing once looking at that factor how things can distort itself out and its not a fun process to endure. Especially one I do not want to go through again.

I am still open to seeing her again. Since everything was mainly kept a positive level other then one or two breakdown days I had to try to discuss it out. But things now on with me are going to be a bit more direct. I just cannot go for anything that does not have a logical base to it or of which will lead me to the "Hoping" Factor once again. ;/

 

I love hope... but I can see how just hope, without other motivations or actions can be mentally/emotionally damaging. Live and learn, right?

 

Pretty much thats how it is... Finally being through it, has a numbing feeling.

But I agree, Hope is a very good thing as well. But now seeing that as much good it can typically bring, it can do the same in reverse.