Problems trusting people

I'd really like some advice on how to start dating again. My ex fiancee really fucked up my ability to trust anyone... at all. She cheated and got pregnant by another man. She lost the baby, but the fact that she did and was so nonchalant about it really destroyed me inside. Now, I can't even bring myself to talk to another girl. What should I do?

 

get blind drunk and pork a fat barmaid

don't let distrust get the better of ya, remember that people are individuals and deserve more respect than being treat with suspicion based on another person... i just spent half a year trying to befriend someone with trust issues, never again ......... it can really make ya miss out on a lot

good luck

 

What you do is find a girl who treat you right. They ain't all like that, she sounded like school in July

no class :frown:

 

Forgive me for having the feeling that you had your part in being cheated on. Did you drag the relationship on and on without taking heed of signs?

I would start by reexamining what are your boundaries and what mutual respect is like. She probably stomped on you many times before the worst actually happened.

Either that, or you rushed to commit just to have someone to cling to.

Do you have healthy friendships? I would start there.

 

please don't judge every girl by the actions of one. there are good and bad through all walks of life, and in my experience of people that ive known throughout my life, not trusting makes a person cynical and difficult to approach and deal with. don't become one of them.
we all get hurt at some time in our lives by the actions of others, its how we learn.
losing a baby isn't easy, believe me, even for the hardest of hearts, and maybe her show of nonchalance was her way of dealing with it and the guilt maybe.
just a thought.

 

Can we start at the top

Where in the rule book does it say she cant have sex with anyone else. Trust? Trust her with what? Not to bruise your ego or make you jealous

You probably use words and phrases like communication, common interests, values, love and respect and yet your No 1 reason for giving the partner the flick is cos she grinds her bits on someone else

I didnt put up with all the dumb jokes over the last 30 years about my team supposedly being the sissy ones only for you lot to turn into whiney bitches

Either grow some testicles or find a girl thats never going to be horny enough to bother cheating, and if you pick the former, please make sure you fuck her properly to keep them off our backs

 

Vanilla - I'm just wondering what sort of trauma and problems you went through in your youth (38 isn't young anymore). It's obvious you went through a few major crises and a lot of mental anguish just from your attitude in all of your posts and your upside-down view of the world. So, spill it - we want to hear!

 

why trust anybody? you are the only person you can really trust. if trust doesn't come, don't try to force it.

 

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Uh, huh, yeah lets make it about me, or yeah must be about my childhood.

No, the anger, in this thread anyway has to do with 30+. Despite what you lot assume, never could get on with most guys, 95% of them, dont ever want to see them naked and half of the remaining 5% still cant relate. Circle of friends has always been female, back when I was a teen they'd get cranky for only 4 days a month, 30+ most of them all the flippin time.


I miss gal friends my age, younger ones are adorable but they are a real pain in the ass. So that I, well "we" can feel comfortable taking them shopping or having a good ole yap over coffee or lunch; could you please all fuck your women properly and if not let someone else do it.

Thanks a bunch

Vanilla Gorilla

PS: I think I speak on behalf of most 30+ gals too

 

Someone will come into your life who tells the truth no dout you will be wary at first, if they are honest decent and worth the effort they wil shine thru your past fears and you will see they are honest and genuine.

Funny chapter 13 i spent half a year talking to someone who told a good few lies -
when confronted disapeared from talking and changed there profile to different user name!
I even thought id meet them to see if I could suss out the truth but they declined

Go figure-

 

oh boo hoo one broad cheated on you. and now you cant trust ANYONE? Try meeting constant assholes and bitches for 3 years and come back to me

just go with the flow. Dont do any big favors or just avoid them til you find that they do stuff for YOU first. If you cant trust now, dont get into a relationship obviously.

 

Everything heals with time. In order for you to be ready for the next relationship you have to allow this one to start leaving your system. Give yourself time to heal. You'll know when you are ready to try again.

 

your life must be sooooo rough

 

I completely know how you feel. You just have to give it time. If you date someone to early then you'll just end up being disappointed. I am very reluctant to trust anyone and find that I am angry at all men in general. I honestly don't think I even trust myself. I know that doesn't help at all and my family is worried about me. But I really think I just need time. At least I hope that's all I need. Maybe try therapy.

 

They are angry at your sexual freedom, the men assholes to hide performance anxiety or that they know they're not good enough to keep you interested. The women cos you have an advantage over the guys they dont, or they are uncomfortable with the way your dominance over them makes them feel (feminine dominance that is, you can still have that yet crumble at a male type confontation)

Angry or horny?

How can you if you are horny for all guys

 

i honestly think you nailed it. I wondered that before but I thought it was too egocentric to me.

 

*Giggles

Hmmm, its that last one thats going to sneak up on you though "they are uncomfortable with the way your dominance over them makes them feel" gets stronger as you and they get older

 

isnt trust earnt? only a child trusts before they get burnt and learn that not everyone is of pure intent? just a thought ....
people want you to be this happy childlike fresh from shite energy well if wer talking grown up relationships we all fuck up in some way at some stage ... and have hurt someone even if its in honesty so dont feel bad about being wary, its a protection for yourself and if you find someone who has the magik to break thru your layer/layers then and only then should you open your heart further.
I feel the reason we all get hurt is we trust to quicky and dont learn from our pasts, reaching the balance of wiseness is always a mission but its worth the effort..
you and you alone know when your being unreasonable-

 

You turned a post about cheating/trust into a conversation about open relationships or not being able to satisfy your partner or some shit - whatever your point, it was irrelevant.

The problem is lying. People should grow the balls to tell the other person what they want in a relationship instead of being fucking cowards and trying to steal it. Doesn't matter if it's sex, money, whatever...

 

There's truth in this definitely. When I was younger I definitely experienced some insecurities with sexually aggressive women but that still doesn't transfer over to you self proclaimed "strong dominant women" justifying bad behavior.

You just haven't met the right alpha males yet that would put you in your place and not be threatened by your sexuality.