People who change when they get into a relationship

I don't think there is anything unhealthy with changing for a partner as long as it is organic. Even single people change over time. It's not really changing for your partner, but maybe because of them. I may have habits that annoy her, or hang out with friends she doesn't like. I abstain from those people/activities now, not because I was forced to, or coerced with an ultimatum, but because I've realized my priorities have shifted. I think changing in a relationship and even alienating certain people is probably pretty normal.

But as I said, even single people change. Everyone changes over time. My friend's mom one time made a comment that we're all different people every 10 years, and, man, if she wasn't spot on...

 

But overnight? It seems pretty fast to me.

 

Everyone is different - are also the circumstances

 

I have a few friends who change. They suddenly like whatever the guy likes be it a hobby or recipe. Then, they go on to the next guy and change all over again.

My husband has a few friends who change too, but in different ways. They’ll bend over backwards for all the wrong women and wonder why nothing works out. :/

 

I dont really mind when people change in the sense that they develop a new hobby or interest, isnt that what connecting to another human is all about, sharing in something the other person does and broadening your interests and your perspective? Each of my exes can be credited to getting me interested in something new and I hope I did the same for them

But its when people completely disappear into their significant others' lives that I start to get annoyed. Some people you only see when they're single. I dont really care if my friends change and grow when entering into a relationship, i just want to be taken along for the ride instead of ditched until they need a shoulder to cry on after the break up.

 

am i friends with your husband?

 

Aw. Do you do that, too?

No one should be bending over backwards in relationships, unless it's a two way thing...or you're into gymnastics.

 

Yeah, lol at the gals that get a new guy, but its like a hobby and he has to be worked on

 

haha yes

Well, what's that saying? Women marry men, hoping they'll change...men marry women, hoping they never change. lol

 

if she's into gymnastics, that's one reason to go the extra mile to keep her around...

but seriously, yeah, women make all men stupid, and i think the effect is more pronounced than usual on me. i either bend too far or not far enough, never just the right amount. and it's always the wrong women; the right ones never seem right until it's too late.

 

Idk. The ''right'' woman will like you for you. Not be a bitch, who expects you to put her on a pedestal.

As soon as you start feeling your back arch...stop! Stand up straight, and walk away. As long as you're chasing all the wrong ones, you won't be able to see the right one.

 

yeah i know, this is all true. it just tends to get forgotten when there's a pretty face getting in the way of proper cognitive function.

 

I still disagree. I feel like I'm the same person I was when I started my current relationship. Maybe I'm too nitpicky because this woman used to be my friend but now she's totally different. Idk, but it's less about her and more about the guy who's totally taken over her life and decided that even though she's been a strong independent woman for most of her life, now she has to kowtow to him and wait on him like a king.

Anyone who has met him immediately sees he's using her. And what does she get out of it? The only thing I can think of is that she wants to feel needed and he's a needy manbaby so he gives her that.

 

Some women LIKE that role.. I'm all for the "strong independent woman" thing but not everyone wants to be it. I'm strong and independent and I've still had remarks making fun of what I'll do for a boyfriend because I enjoy submission and servitude. It's a choice, and while that isn't true for everyone, you don't really know. Best not to spend too much time worrying about other people's mistakes. If you care about her just be there as a non judgemental presence in her life.

 

Why do I get the feeling though you are a bit more of a playa than you have always made out

 

Isn't bending over backwards covered somewhere in the kama sutra?

 

That's the impression I'm getting as well. He all actin the fool but gettin some isn't a problem for him.

Keep up the good work @I'minmyunderwear

 

I believe he pays high quality escorts and hookers.

 

Well she's not in danger that I know of. There are rumors he beats his women, and I have heard him talking down to her. I do stay out of it, but I definitely don't like him and it's uncomfortable for me when she tries to force him on me and I don't get to see her alone ever. I don't keep my girlfriend from seeing people alone if she wants to.

And I'm not sure why you're assuming I think that the reverse situation is okay. It's not the 50s anymore. And everything is too expensive for that. It's been a long time since people haven't judged anyone who doesn't have a job, male or female. My ex's family used to talk shit about me when I wasn't working. But here's the thing, everyone was there judging me about not working, but I was the one taking care of their mother (my exes grandmother) and doing her laundry and cooking and waiting on her hand and foot. And even when I was working I still had to do all those things. My point is, even when I wasn't employed I was pulling my weight.

I'm just concerned because this guy doesn't lift a finger. He plays on his computer all day and spends her money. It's her life, so she can let him ruin it if she wants. I just think it's a waste of her time. That's all.

 

Sounds like there's a ton of red flags there

I will never understand how woman get involved with these douche bags

 

Thank you. I just wanted someone else to agree that this is abnormal lol people on this forum condemn people for way less but for some reason a lot of them were defending it and I'm like...am I going crazy?

She's vulnerable, I guess. She wants to be wanted. But she's going to regret it later on, I just know it. But I'm going to stay out of it because she won't see it until it blows up in her face like last time, and the time before that.