One Liners

Discussion in 'Humor' started by rjhangover, Aug 17, 2015.

  1. Lobber

    Lobber Members

    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    4
    Two sheep escaped their pen. Now they are on the lamb!
     
  2. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

    Messages:
    29,419
    Likes Received:
    6,296
    I'm not drinking any more...

    but I'm not drinking any less.
     
  3. broony

    broony Banned

    Messages:
    15,458
    Likes Received:
    1,046
    Cowboy: Give me 3 packs of condoms please.


    Cashier: Do you need a paper bag with that sir?


    Cowboy: Nah, she aint that ugly.
     
    Eric!, wilsjane and Scratched like this.
  4. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

    Messages:
    29,419
    Likes Received:
    6,296
    Yah, you know what I love about sex while camping?

    It's fucking in tents.
     
  5. MeAgain

    MeAgain Dazed & Confused Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

    Messages:
    19,782
    Likes Received:
    13,801
    These aren't one liners, but i was watching the Monty Python skit about the funniest joke in the world.....

    Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted. Peanut.

    http://youtu.be/in7yLZJ7A6Y​
     
  6. Scratched

    Scratched Members

    Messages:
    866
    Likes Received:
    254
    Confucious say: Man who stand on toilet seat high on pot.
     
  7. Scratched

    Scratched Members

    Messages:
    866
    Likes Received:
    254
    The newest book release- Tracks in the Sand, by Peter Draggin.
     
  8. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

    Messages:
    29,419
    Likes Received:
    6,296
    Another good book release - The Cat's Revenge, by Claude Bawls
     
    magickman and Scratched like this.
  9. magickman

    magickman Supporters HipForums Supporter

    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    288
    That man in the lobby farted so hard that it made the fan in the painting of a Dutch windmill on the wall start spinning.
     
  10. wilsjane

    wilsjane Nutty Professor HipForums Supporter

    Messages:
    6,114
    Likes Received:
    4,957
    Sounds like the sort of thing that I would have said to the cashier.
    Whenever I go to the shops, I always seem to manage to brighten up a dull afternoon. LOL.
     
  11. wilsjane

    wilsjane Nutty Professor HipForums Supporter

    Messages:
    6,114
    Likes Received:
    4,957
    When the shopkeeper offered me a new kitchen cleaner called 'Foaming Bison Cleaner'. I replied, "I don't allow my bison in the kitchen when he starts foaming".
    Shopkeepers love me. :yum::yum::yum::yum::yum::yum:
     
  12. magickman

    magickman Supporters HipForums Supporter

    Messages:
    1,176
    Likes Received:
    288
  13. Addicted2MEN

    Addicted2MEN New Member

    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    84
    "Fuck dancing let's Fuck"
     
  14. Flashdown

    Flashdown Members

    Messages:
    2,384
    Likes Received:
    8,644
    What are shoes made from banana peels called ..... slippers.

    One liner pick up

    Come sit on my lap and I will show you how my love grows for you
     
  15. 20InchesTooCold

    20InchesTooCold Too Cold

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    7
    One Liner Pick ups:

    "Look, I'm not that smart, I'm not even that attractive, but I'm hung like a Rhino so how about it?"

    "Bitch, get in the car I've got a gun."
     
  16. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    22,493
    Likes Received:
    14,738
    Redneck foreplay: Back of the truck, bitch!
     
    20InchesTooCold likes this.
  17. Catcher

    Catcher Members

    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    17
    Say this about some1 who is all up in your ass, weather it be a boss or anyone

    "He's so far up my ass he can count the pallups"
     
  18. bigredinmass

    bigredinmass Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    5,335
    Likes Received:
    1,541
    How did the hipster burn his tongue?

    He drank coffee before it was coooool.
     
  19. hotwater

    hotwater Senior Member Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    50,601
    Likes Received:
    38,892
  20. tumbling.dice

    tumbling.dice Visitor

    I remember when this originally aired for some reason.

    Top 10 Punchlines To Scottish Dirty Jokes (From David Letterman)

    10. It took me a fortnight to get out of the thistles
    9. I didn't know you could also get wool from them!
    8. It's not a bagpipe, but don't stop playing
    7. What made you think I was talking about golf?
    6. I've heard of comin' through the rye, but this is ridiculous!
    5. Of course she's served millions - she's a McDonald
    4. Oh, so YOU'RE Wade Boggs
    3. Care to shake hands with the Loch Ness monster?
    2. Who's burning argyles?
    And, the number one punch line to a Scottish dirty joke:
    1. She's in the distillery making Johnnie Walter Red
     
    bigredinmass and GLENGLEN like this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice