On the subject of 'love' (and the self)

Is it possible to truly love another if one doesn't love him/herself?

I'd like to hear different sides of this issue, if you all would do me the honor.

My girlfriend claims that she doesn't love who she is, and it's very clear to me. It's not just a self-esteem issue, or anything like that. She grew up in an environment that constantly told her she was never good enough, never smart enough, never pretty enough, never skinny enough, didn't work hard enough, never did anything right, etc. So she's sensitive to some things, and has a lot of worries/stress; it's sad. I love this girl and I'm trying to help her feel as good about herself as humanly possible, without edging too close to narcisism I just wonder how she can love me if she doesn't love herself.

 

By any means i mean no harm by saying this; but i grew up in a household like that as well. Well my moms house hold anyways. Its how SHE deals with it that counts if SHE WANTS to live that lifestyle and NOT love herself for WHO she is although ppl claim shes this that and the other i totally understand where shes coming from. There has to be someone out that that will say "Hey you look nice today" Wow your personality rocks, It sucks to live in that kind of environment BUT WE as human being have to ACCEPT to not to accept how our family members are and who we are. WE don't choose are family members they are just there and who they are. If she cannot live in that bubble live and lt be fly away and let the fear go. Its very hard to let go when you have been told that for years

Has she gone to therapy?
journalized?
centred herself away?
cbt ?
Things might not always be easy in life but theres always a solution.
Does love float in the air when one doesn't love themself?
How can they love you if they don't know how to show it to themselves?
Does she care about you .. yes possibily love -confused
Taking on a role or responsibility for whats going on will allow peace man. Its a very good thing your helping her. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying she doesn't love you.

T

 

I believe your girlfriend can love you, when she doesn't accept herself, but only once she does learn to at least like who she is, then will she be able to love you in her fullest capacity and not have things such as jealousy get in the way. Sometimes people who have self-esteem issues also have jealousy or basic insecurity issues that they take out on their partner. If they can work through their problems then a stronger love is created.


I am not being very articulate in what I am trying to say. Basically I used to have self-esteem issues related to my Dad working away for long periods at a time when I was a child. Children blame themselves for such situations and it affected how I saw myself as lovable/desirable.plain likeable to other men. Once I worked through these (many) issues, I was able to love my husband more, and understand why he loves me.

I hope your gf works through these issues for herself, so she can be happy.

 

No, it is not true. I'm as fucked up as they come and I have a boyfriend who loves me, god only knows why, probably because he has his own issues. But in reality, someone will always find something about another person to love even if that person doesn't like it. For example, people who hate their noses come to find out that is the favorite feature of someone who loves them. That is a really lame example, but I'm drunk so don't expect much.

She can love you, probably more than herself. Whether or not this is going to be a healthy or happy relationship for the both of you, I don't know. But people who don't love themselves can love and be loved, they just need to find the right people.

Like I said I'm fucked up (not being drunk I mean in the head) and I hate myself one minute and think I'm the bees knees the next. So just be, and whatever happens will happen.

I suck at advice. Give me some now.

 

Smoke more drugs.




Hey, thanks everyone. It's a long arduous process ahead of us, I'm sure.

 

No, you don't.

You are right, as many people that do not seem to love themselves love their partner deeply. During the crazy times it is the partner that holds a hand, or stays up all night and talks. To someone with insecurity issues that is the BEST gift you can give; time, and understanding. Never pity, and hopefully some empathy. Loving the partner in return for such a gift is easy in comparison.....(based on people I have talked to)

To the OP:
Maybe you should attend counseling with her. Not because as a couple you need it, but maybe it would help you understand what is going on in her head.

 

Yes, it is possible. It may happen for someone not to be comfortable or happy about oneself, yet be capable of loving another person. Hopefully, that someone can find the capaity to improve.