Mindset?

yeah i need to hang out with my friends more i guess

but no, there haven't been a whole lot of girls i've met that i'd be into really.

just last night i saw her and something real weird happened, and i'm not too sure how to take it really...totally confusing.

i said in the SL chat thread that I need to separate my emotions from my self to protect my sanity - but it is just difficult to do so as i admit i am a pretty emotional person (not overpoweringly so, but i am aware of my emotions to a good degree) and when i start to like somebody, i am just used to getting hurt.

i've realized that hurt is just all a part of the game, but it's especially painful when it happens repeatedly

 

what happened?

sounds like you need to figure out what the problem is even if you don't get together with this girl, so you don't keep having trouble

 

I think you know the answer. She probably sees your refusal to meet her Mom as an indication that you weren't serious. Did you offer any explanation as to your reluctance to meet her mother?

 

i told her i had already made plans with my friends - which was true.

i don't know if that was a source for this confusion now, however.
i think i've had a glimpse into what this girl is really like. i think. if it is what i hope it isn't i'm gonna have to move on - if it is what i hope it is, i just have to talk with her.

i just need to keep myself cool...occupied

 

my experience is that chicks tend to freak out if they think that you are dodging them. If she talked to you and all that you said is "I have other plans", then she probably thinks that you are trying to get rid of her.

 

this was a while ago, though. i had since made it clear i wasnt. the ball is in her court now and i'm waiting to see what she does with it really...i'm the one freaking out now - even though i know i shouldnt

 

Well- there you have it. I'd suggest putting it out of your mind and start considering the possibility that you need to be moving past this... if for no other reason than your sanity. Do what it is you want to be doing- with your friends perhaps... and keep an eye out for another girl. This one may consider your unwillingness to break plans with your friends as an affront... think about that. If this is how she reacts to something you consider to be marginal at the beginning stages of a relationship then how might you expect things to go in say, a year from now when the excitement of a new relationship has worn off? Barely a month into this and she is punishing your "wrong answer" with the silent treatment?

No, you shouldn't. Seems like you placed a bit too much expectation in this... that you have worked toward a place where it's somehow not okay to not be in this relationship... if these are the early signs of a controlling woman then you should be relieved to have found it out before you invested too much time with her.

If she is as into you as you appear to be into her then she'll find the time to talk.

 

chicks tend to need reassurance. leaving it in her court will probably mean that it's over

 

i'm getting mixed signals from both of you, but are both interesting to consider.

i think i've made it pretty clear that i'm into her - if she doesn't have the same interest in me what's the point of hounding her? it only makes me look bad, feel worse and i'm wasting time/energy/concentration on her which digs myself into a pit.

what's worse is that i realized that i still have feelings for one of my good friends - one that is trying to help me sort through this. i wouldn't make a move on her, she is currently in a relationship, but it just throws a whole new twist into the situation.

i'll let this girl let me know if she wants to see me again, and then i'll go from there

 

While what e7m8 posts doesn't mesh with my thinking I think it's important to have more than one point of view. My perspective is that of someone excessively sensitive toward being controlled and tend to feel anger whether or not what I think turns out to be true. What you described struck me as a bit of a game play- or even a tip off about a darker controlling side that may well not be a deal killer for you.

It's VERY important to keep in mind that I am very possibly off base- but something you will find useful when considering someone with which you intend to spend a huge amount of time- it absolutely has to not become a chore. If time with your friends is important to you then you might want to keep things friendly-casual until that is out of your system. I inferred from what you've posted that you have offered a measure of reassurance. Just maintain a friendly but casual and very occasional contact. The ball will still be in her court, you will imply interest by not completely blowing her off and if she chooses not to step beyond the bounds of casual acquaintance then you know that you are free to seek someone more tolerant of your particular interests and social circle.

 

right, i think you might be right stink.
i am going to keep friendly, i definitely don't have any bad taste because of her - though how she acted made me question my interest in her. i still am interested, but i would want to discuss some stuff. from what i understand, she has had a difficult relationship last semester and it may be causing some of this weirdness.

i have a very strong sexual attraction to her and that is making things more complicated being 19 years old. even though i was unsure about what was up with her, i proceeded to hook up with her before i took her home, and she was rather open to it.

i'm just even more confused when she didn't text me back saying i was happy to see her last night. (that's it, no more than that was texted)

i wonder if she WANTS me to move on without her having to say anything.

 

thanks, everyone, for posting though - it definitely helps to get perspective from people that have experienced more than I

edit: a dose of this helps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pJXZgB3v98&feature=related"]YouTube - Jimi Hendrix (Rare) get off my life women

 

talked to her after she flipped shit - this being like strike 2 against her - and she's saying she isn't wanting a relationship right yet but she still wants to see me and shit.

kinda pisses me off, but i can't really be mad - like it was said by somebody earlier, i gotta keep it casual and i am going to minimize how often i see her for my good and hopefully benefit.

i just don't want to be second to some other guy and i don't want to be waiting for her like a dog. i told her i'm not gonna get walked on but that i still want to see her because i enjoy her time. i don't know how i should feel but if she comes to me wanting a relationship, i'm not totally sure if i wouldn't deny her...and that kind of sucks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMFJ9bbSxHQ&feature=related"]YouTube - Tyler, The Creator - Fuck Love
chyeah

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I don't think that I can handle seeing her actually...but it's just a catch 22 being that I know I'd be getting ass from her. I know the more I hook up with her the more I'll be hurting myself though - knowing she doesn't want anything serious with me. -she said she wanted to do her thing and have fun, maybe i should tell her to have her fun and that i don't want to be for fun, that i'm seriously interested and maybe later we can find a common ground again

I just really really don't get it. Her mixed signals are way too confusing.

I think I have to just tell her that I can't see her anymore, that I don't want to be second to somebody else.
-what FUCKS me here is that I don't know if I even am second. I very well could be, but I don't think I have been-

I was fine with playing it as it goes, not rushing into a relationship - but I don't want to be used and mistreated.

 

Why do you keep bringing up "a whole lot"? And why did you bring "into" into it? Don't a few people in a casual interaction ever suit you?

 

I think that I misread the situation. When you said that the problems came when you said that you didn't want to meet her mom, I took it to mean that she was the one who was into being more serious. Hmmm... maybe my relationship advice should be taken with a grain of salt.

I guess that there is a limit to what any of us can understand because we only know what we see posted here.

 

^Thats what I thought too.

I dunno, she is sending a lot of mixed messages. I'm not sure if I want to type it all out here again, but basically I am playing it, and keeping my heart from creeping down my sleeve.

She said she wanted to casually date and see where things goes - yet she wants to meet other people as well. Then she says some things to me that question that again...I'm just feeling it out right now, and not be afraid to look at other girls at the same time.

 

Maybe she doesn't really know what she wants and is just trying to keep her options open.

 

I think that is it exactly. And I'm not really sure what I want either, and I would like to keep her open as an option, but not if she acts in a way that is not up to my liking. If you take a look at my post on the second to last page of the SL chat thread, you'll see my most latest breakthrough lol

I dont think this thread has concluded, but I can conclude on my initial question:

Yes, mindset makes a huge difference. At first I was worried that I was not what she wanted, when in actuality I am not sure she is what I want. THE BALL HAD ALWAYS BEEN IN MY COURT

I'm going to just go by karma right now, and just act and say what I think in a positive, kind and assertive way hoping that that same mentality will come back to me - and that the love I put out in the world will return as well, I'm sure it will

Thanks everyone who has posted in here, this has been a great thread for me to reflect on. I'll post back with whatever may happen.