marriage, being on the fence, and freelancing

I couldn't help but notice in Yahoo news they brought up what happened in the show The Bachelor, where the guy proposed and then after the girl said yes, she got cold feet on the after-show. on that after-show episode thing, when she said she's not ready, everyone in the crowd gasped and gawked. there always is a bad guy with those shows -like a witch hunt- and no doubt about it, she is the one now.

just last night i watched the movie Up In The Air with George Clooney, and one thing it was pushing was that it sucks not to be married, or at least alone. but i feel like George Clooney, especially in the scene where he tells another character to sell him on 'marriage'. the movie tries to show you the 'joy of marriage' and such but ends the movie by having him alone again, leaving him "up in the air".

so,
someone sell me on marriage. what is so great about it? why does it seem like such a terrible thing if someone doesnt marry? why is it worse when someone has a relationship with someone but gets cold feet or just doesnt want to marry? why is it automatically associated with happiness?

 

because it's lies, all lies

 

I think you might be confusing weddings with marriage. Weddings are generally very happy events, full of joyful promise and love.

But a successful marriage takes work and compromise and luck and determination and a sense of humour and a few other variables aside from love, trust and faith in each other. And certainly, one glance at divorce rates and you know that many/most folks don't have what it takes to stay together long-term.

I think it's wise to stay on the fence until/if you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and s/he feels the same. When it works, it can be a wonderful, fulfilling achievement that probably can't be topped in this world. Both sets of my grandparents were married (very happily) for over 50 years. In both sets, when one passed away, the other followed within months. My own parents were happily married for over 40 years before my mother died.

So, I've seen examples of great marriages. (Just haven't managed to duplicate them myself....)

 

the point is to marry someone with more money than you.

 

what is so great about it?

Being with the right person, best friend, someone to rely on emotionally, share financials, share experiences, get those butterflies in your stomach feelings when you get to share/see them. Great sex.


why does it seem like such a terrible thing if someone doesnt marry?

It doesn't, unless that person is looking to be married or that great love and they can't find it.


why is it worse when someone has a relationship with someone but gets cold feet or just doesnt want to marry?

They aren't with the right person, so maybe the cold feet was good. to get cold feet without warning the person, letting them down easy is rude and those people should get smacked, LOL.

why is it automatically associated with happiness?

Being in love brings happiness to many people for the reasons I stated above.

It's actually really hard to answer your questions. You either want to look for love, or look for marriage as part of your life or you don't. And then, you take the chance on finding the right person and it works, or not.

I grew up hoping to get married one day, and I am one of the lucky people who found the right person for me and have been happily married. I don't think marriage should be that hard all the time, but you go through rough times/years that you have to work at. I think if you find a person who is compatible and you are both mentally healthy in yourselves, you have a better chance of having a healthy relationship.

For me it was always knowing that even in the worst times, I still didn't want that person out of my life, even though I couldn't stand them, at that time.

 

I'm against marriage...sort of. I don't plan on marrying and was engaged once but it broke off due to too many issues, which again, gave me reason NEVER to marry...

However, I feel that if you do love someone enough and have already been with someone for a long time and don't plan on leaving, then marry. I agree with previous posters about weddings being the big event and marriage being the ups and downs...but I still don't think I'd ever get married just because that commitment, to me, is very very permanent...I don't believe in and would never divorce someone...so I intend to not marry for the sake of not having to go through with that.

It'd take someone really special to convince me otherwise...

 

I think it's wrong for people to sell marriage and to push marriage and think that the culture surrounding marriage is what causes the divorce rate to be so high.

Marriage is beautiful to me because I am with the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, and someday, when I've got my shit together, I want to make a formal declaration of that. Show everyone that she is mine and I am hers, and not to ever think otherwise.
I want to look down at my hand and be reminded that I'm not alone, and that I should never feel alone, cause wherever she is; we're bonded.

But not everyone wants that, not everyone is capable of that, and they should stop making it look bad =P