Hi guys. Ive been a lurker here for years but now its time for me to break my cerry. Im also aware that this has probably been done to death on here but i need to talk Myself and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 10 years, and engaged for one of those. I love this girl, I really do, but...as time goes on... 18 months ago, i lost my job and have been sitting on my arse getting more and more depressed as time goes on. She still has a job and has been financially supporting us, which i reall appreciate. But i want more from life than just "being kept". She has also recently told me that she has also been unhapy since I lost my job and has just been putting a brave face on everyting. Ive always said that I want to move to another country to find work and she has always said "no" (your getting the picture-she wears the pants), because she is really close to her family. But now after a year and a half of prestering she has decided that she'd go with me. The thing is...I also dont want to be the one that takes her away from her family. Also, recentely, ive been finding that im happy when she's out of my mind and im not around her because there is so much trouble between us. So basically where I'm at now is...I want out of this relationship, so that I can go and live my life on my own for a while. But i have no idea how. I know that if I break up with her, Ill destroy her. But im not happy, so I have to do something. This is so hard. Anyway. ran over. Thanks for listening
10 years is a long time, and depending on how old you are people can change a lot in that time. If you 2 ended up different people it isn't anyones fault. I think sometimes people are brought together for periods of time for a reason, but they arnt meant to stay together forever. You said she also admitted that she has been unhappy. Maybe sit down and have a heart to heart with her, both of you get out all your feelings. It might turn out that you both want the same things, weather that be breaking up, or making changes so both of you can be happy. If you 2 dont end up on the same page, at least she will know all your feelings and have a better understanding of why you want to break up.
Ten years is a hell of a long time... Im 27 and she is 28, and the two of have changed and awful lot from when we first started going out And I know that if i do tell her how I feel, she will go along with me just to aviod breaking up, and thats not fair on her. Its weird aswell, because the two of us have been together for so long, my friends are now her friends, so i cant confide in any of them without feeling like im talking behind her back, and thats kinda why i came on here... Its really hard to know what to do. This sucks
yea man I know how you feel. My relationship is pretty fucked atm. Its a shitty situation. Im kinda in the same place where we share all the same friends, no one to talk to etc. I told my bf all my feelings, we almost broke up but didnt (I couldn't pull the trigger and he wanted to work it out). Now he is just becoming a mirror image of me to try and make it work. Which isnt cool for either of us. There is no easy answer. That much time with someone your going to care about them for a long time. No matter how you go about breaking up its gonna hurt. If your dead sure you want to break up, just do it as clean as possible. Try not to say anything you'll regret, be gentle. Be short, sweet and firm. Stress that its final and that you 2 shouldn't try and contact each other for a while. Put some space in between you. Dont entertain any working it out or taking a break or anything, it just makes things harder. I did it that way in the past and even though we were both pretty fucked up about it for a while it worked out and we are still friends.
I tried to do the same last night. I told her, again, that ive been unhappy for a long time and that I thought it was due to the relationship. She just broke down at that, like ive never seen. She didnt cry, she just sat there in a state of shock and didnt move or speak or do anything for about an hour. Eventually, we talked and I told her that I wasnt fully sure if it was the relationship that has me this way...I failed to pull the trigger... Ya see...when were happy together, were very happy, but when were not happy, it really does suck. And weve been unhappy more than happy lately... So, we have decided to keep trying to fix whats making me unhappy. Were in talks to move to another city on the other side of the world, but she is unsure if that'll make me happy. Damm its hard to know. Although today is a 'good' day for us... Sorry to hear about your relationship pgirl
Remember... where ever you go, there you are. I wouldn't do anything to tie yourself to her more rite now. I know what you mean about the good times, I have the same problem. I keep trying to remind myself about all the things that make me unhappy. It seems to get a lot harder to do anything, weather it be working on the relationship, or breaking up after you have had a serious break up talk. I dunno, whatever you do good luck. Stay true to yourself.
