I've walked the LDR path before, but with someone I'd lived with for a while. And I was younger then. Now, well... here's a post I made elsewhere: well, I've sent my two partners away. Gently, and in hopes that they'd get their lives straight while I do the same. So, I'm thinking I'm looking at being alone for a while, and that was OK. But the Universe had other plans and sent me a funny, sweet, good looking, whipsmart SINGLE guy. Who lives several states away. So, I'm technically by myself. Funny, Universe, funny. we met at a concert, hung out most of the show together. as his friends were dragging him away, he dashes over and asks me to take his number & call him so he'd have my number. Yay mobile phones. I'm laughing and agree, and take the number. He kisses me THATQUICK and runs to his friends (and his ride). I call him and leave my number. a few days later, he calls, and we have spent an inordinate amount of time on the phone the past few weeks. It's turned into an LDR. I have an air flight scheduled for January (the earliest I could take vacation time). After a conversation last weekend he dropped the L word as he was hanging up (therefore I didn't have to respond). He was buzzed, and worried about a friend who had disappeared in his bad neighborhood, and he's got six sisters, so it could have been a slip/conditioned sign off. We've had discussions about our fears of getting into an LDR, being hurt, etc. but...we're drawn together like falling stars. It's like the admitting of fear lets it fade. I mentioned that I was dropping my local flirtations, because I felt like it was cheating, almost. He mentioned noticing several pretty women while out. "But all I could think of was you," he says. later in the same conversation (which was the when did you get tested last? conversation) he says we need to be good friends to be good lovers. Which I agree with. and we both said, not that we won't jump each others bones. This guy is not smooth by any stretch. He's my level of awkward, and that is pretty awkward. guess I want to gut check here. My gut says he's being straight up. My brain is in crabby old bat/insecure woman mode. how do I tell when a guy is being real? ___ So, I'd like the final question answered, but also hear from those in situations that started out as LDR. We have, as I said discussed the idea, My lease is brand new, so if all hits off well, we are still looking at a year of this, minimum. Plus a job search in a crappy economy and I have pretty specialized, unrelated skills. (reporter and concert production) He's connected to his community. His mother and sisters are all in the area. I'm less so, but I love Colorado, and I question if it would let me leave. But, I also looked for a job a couple counties away from him last year. I have my only surviving sibling and his family within an hour of my new friend's community.
Ideally you spend enough time with him, and if you're observant, you should be able to tell (or at least hazard an educated guess) if he's being real. But in the LDR that you described? I can't see any way of telling apart from regular communication via phone, e-mail, and web-cam. I mean, you really haven't spent time together, have you? I mean, as in physically together in the same area? Although, with the wonders of technology, having a long distance relationship is a bit easier than back in the days when you had to wait for weeks to get a letter by mail.
He sounds like he is being real to me. When you visit him just see how it feels while you are together. You will know whether or not he is being real.
well...he meant the love part. we're both cautious, Ok, afraid, of being hurt. and we do use snail mail. weekly. (we're older, and the letter has a certain appeal)
update. He's talking about us in a long term sense. Seems it's been years since he had a relationship, and he's not trusted anyone since. Keeps asking what sort of spell I put on him. and his boss/ long time friend is so happy for him she's arranging for him to be out of work while I'm there, even though it's possibly a heavy work season. (tree care) admitting fear did let it fade.
