I feel like I'm too old to start dating...

Okay, well here's my story. In high school, I was never interested in dating. I mean, I had plenty of hormones, but I never cared enough about girls/sex to actually want to go through all that awkward teen dating stuff. If a girl had asked me out I would have said yes, but the point is I didn't care enough to actually pursue it. And back then, I always thought I would just start dating once I got into college, so there was no rush. Well, I ended up having to go to community college for two years (mostly because of my family's financial situation), and while I definitely should have tried a lot harder to get girls, it did make it more difficult because the CC didn't have very many clubs or student activities like a university has. So I got all excited about starting this "new life" where I would meet tons of people and go out all the time (you know, basically having the "college experience"), and it just never happened. So basically, the last two years have been EXACTLY like high school in that I'm not dating at all. And now, I feel like someone splashed cold water on my face and slapped me. All of a sudden I'm like "oh wow, I'm almost twenty-one, when exactly were you expecting this to happen?" Really, I just sort of lost track of time. In the back of my head I would always say "ah, just wait for the right girl" or "just wait until you're more comfortable around girls" (which of course never happened), or I would just say "screw it, you're young, worry about this stuff later." All I was really doing was putting off something unpleasant because I didn't want to have to do anything that made me uncomfortable (which of course I now realize HAS to happen for me to move on from this).

So, now I feel like I've been a HUGE idiot, because now that I'm finally in a university I feel like the last few years (CC and HS both) were a total waste of time (socially speaking, that is). I mean I'm finally at the point in my life where I expected (or at least hoped) to be dating and getting laid yet I have so little experience I don't even know where to begin (and obviously that doesn't help with my self-confidence either). And now I'm thinking to myself how ridiculous it seems that just now I'm starting to try dating when I'm almost twenty-one, especially while most people my age are quite a bit more experienced. I feel waaay too old for this kind of stuff. And I know I'm not THAT old for this, but even so I can't help feeling like I missed out and that I lost tons of useful life experience, which makes my situation even worse because it makes me depressed (making it much harder for me to be any fun around). I start at the university in about two weeks, and I'm planning on joining clubs and trying to be as social as possible, but at this point I kind of feel like it's too late, if you know what I mean. I feel like I've became so socially alienated that I just can't possibly get into having a "normal" social life, as it were. I know it's pretty stupid (and lame) to compare my life to others my age and build expectations based on them, but when I hear about people my age with girlfriends and date nights I can't help but feel jealous, especially since they seem to have NO problems going about it while I have to struggle just to talk to a girl.

For those who read through all that, do you have any advice or insight? Thanks in advance.

 

Right there in that sentence you made the change. Man, you're 21, you're young. Relax, slow down. Life is happening and the world is yours. 21 is so young. You're extremely intuitive. Yes, you shouldn't compare yourself to others. The fact that you now know that you have to get out of your comfort zone in order to initiate change means that your are self aware, which is very mature of you. Out of everything my mother ever said to me, the only thing that has stuck out as important and rings true were her words, "You can only ever get the things that mean something in life by stepping outside of your comfort zone."

You're young, probably handsome, you sound intelligent and you are extremely self aware. You've got everything going for you. All of this about your past is only known by you. Once things change you won't even think about it. You have to act like the person you'd like to be in order to start becoming that person. You know where you've been, what you've done, etc. You can't change the fact that you're 21, went to college and met no one, and haven't started dating yet. Those are facts, but what you can change right now is who you are tomorrow.

The past is gone and no longer exists, but what you do right now in this very moment dictates who and where you'll be in the future. Cease the day my friend!

Gather ye rose-buds while ye may,
Old Time is still a flying:
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a getting;
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best, which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times, still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time;
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry.



Start gathering your rosebuds, before it's too late. The only time there ever is is now!

 

I do not think that is too old and to be honest, do not assume you have missed out on all that much by not starting younger.

You are in a new situation with being in University, so make new friends. Join in on clubs and activities and before long you will be far more comfortable around others. Many who are as new there are going to be in the same situation and wanting to meet new people.

Good luck!