Help with new Relationship/Friendship

hey everyone, im going to try to keep this short as i possibly can. so, my ex and i have been broken up for a little more than a year already, and she stabbed me in the back. we went to university together and i know yes, thats a bad move, dont ever do that etc. i got into many better universities and got offered lacrosse scholarships at some. point being, she treated me like shit, didnt like the way i dressed and the music i listened to and all that jazz. she bascially cheated on me. shortly after that not even a week after we broke up she was with her new boyfriend or fat pigfucker as i call him lol. anyways, i have met someone new, and she is totally amazing, well call her ''Z'' i love her as a friend, she likes the same music as i do, she even goes to concerts with me, we dated for a while but it didnt work out because i wasnt ready for a relationship, but we still like each other and go out everyweekend. the feelings are there, but i still think about the dipshit ex girlfriend a lot. i told ''Z'' a lot about her and how badly she treated me and how i fell into a deep depression, she knows that im not still fully over her. i really like this ''Z'' girl, but what do i do ? am i just think i like her ? is she a rebound ? what do i do to get the thoughts of the ex girlfriend out of my head. its been over a year, i should be over it by now. oh, me and the ex were going out for 3 years. and we were going to get engaged, but thank god we didnt. is there anyone that is going through this right now, or can anyone help me please ?

 

I know how you feel, dude.

My boyfriend and I were living together for almost 2 years when we broke up.

It's been a couple months, and I'm definitely not over him, but he got over me right away. I'm definitely not looking for a relationship right now, but I get lonely a lot. He's already in love with another girl, a girl from his past.

It's great that you're respecting this girl enough to let her know you still have feelings for your ex. I think you should give it a shot though. You guys could be really happy. I wouldn't think it's just a rebound if it's been a year.

 

Well, if you're still thinking about your ex and are still not able to put whatever negative feelings you have toward her behind you, then I personally don't think you're ready for a new relationship quite yet. And as far as I'm concerned, it's totally understandable that your still NOT over it. You said you and your ex went out for three years, and almost got engaged. Sounds like a very serious relationship indeed. I don't think you can rush the healing process when you come out being totally hurt out of a serious relationship like that. Rushing sometimes also causes you to get into denial because it FORCES you to think you're over someone when you're really not. Really, it could take YEARS to completely heal emotional woulds, depending each person and each experience.

How did your friendship with the "Z" girl start out? You said you two also dated for a while. Did that come before you guys became friends? See, the chance of her being a "rebound" would be in general(to be fair) greater if you initially spotted Z with dating in mind. BUT, if you two started out as friends first, and discovered you had many things in common, got along great, and if she could fill your mind and heart, and totally push your ex right out of there, then maybe your feelings for Z run deeper than something temporary like when you're on a rebound.

At any rate, I'd pay attention to what your heart needs, if I were you. Eventually, you'd want it where you wouldn't have any excessively negative feelings toward your ex, and instead could wish her all the best in her life truly mean it. Don't get me wrong, you have every right to be upset. We all get hurt from time to time. But it's also important to get past the pain, suffering, and possible ill feelings you may have toward the other party. That's why it takes time, and that's why it isn't a good idea to rush things. But if you truly are in love with Z, and if you truly believe you are ready to be in a relationship again, then by all means ask her out. If it works out, then great. If not, then it'll at least be a learning experience.

All the best!

 

i met ''z'' at my friends birthday party, shes his sister ah ha. but we were friends before we started dating, its just when we were dating all i could think about was the ex and checking out other chicks.

 

Sounds like you at least WERE on a rebound when you were dating Z. How long ago did you guys meet?

I myself have always taken at least a few years after breaking up with someone until I felt ready for a new relationship. I'd develop minor crushes on people, but those are just that: crushes. During what I call the "healing" stage, I'd often think about the ex and also about random cute girls I'd meet. So it's natural if you kept thinking about your ex and checking other girls out when you and Z were going out. Might not have been fair to Z, and also to yourself for that matter, but maybe it all happened because it needed to at the time, who knows...

My advice at this point would be, take your time and try to determine how deep your feelings toward Z run. There is always a possibility that someone completely different might appear in your life, and you might find her to be "the one". But if Z is all you can think about, and provided that she is still available, then not asking her out would be a mistake in my opinion.

 

Forget dating and all that relationship Bullshit. After awhile you'll find that you're better off alone.