Ok.. So for the last 2 years i've been lying to my parents about my college grades.. My mother already knows it, as she understood something was wrong a few months ago.. I was studying economics stuff, wich is the thing that my father does, and i kinda felt influenced to go to the same thing.. But the thing is i hate it! And for the past 2 years, i've been telling my father that i was getting decent/good grades, but now i just can't stand all of this anymore, i want to drop out.. I don't know how to talk to him, i think he will get very mad if he knows the entire thing, so i am thinking just to tell him that i want to drop out because i am not liking it.. The problem is that he payed me 2 years.. Wich was a lot, about 6000 euros... Yes, i know i should have done this earlier, i know it was a big mistake.. I am lucky to come from a family that has no financial problems, but what i did was really wrong, and i know it, the problem is that the more i lied, the more i couldn't stop doing it, and to see my parents happy was just a really good feeling, for once they were proud of me... Now this year started, i paid 533 euros to get into the new year because i was too afraid to talk to my father.. But i already sent an e-mail to the college to see if i can get the money back, as they normally accept it here in Portugal in the first month of college, and i've been sending a lot of cv's , to see if i can get a job, to spend this year on to get money to pay for my own college next year, as my father will surely not pay me another one.. I was in private one (the ones you don't need a certain grade to get in to), now i am thinking about doing my high school exams again , to see if i can get better grades and try to get into a free collage, as the subject i want to study (translation) doesn't need a really high grade. I don't know if i've been having a depression or not.. But i've been feeling like i am getting anti social, spending the day on my computer, trying to run from reality, i've been with "bad" sensation the entire day, because this situation is just getting overwhelming for me.. I just hope i get my money fast, and get a job fast, so i can finally talk to my father.. Any advices on what shall i do ? Or how should i talk to him and make him understand that i just HATE what i am studying and want another thing? I know he'll be mad, and he has the right to, i spent his money for nothing.. I am lucky that i have a really great mother that is always helping me with my life, but now this is getting overwhelming for her too, and i just want this to end for once and for all, but until i get the money and a job i am not sure if i have the guts to talk to him. Has anybody been in a situation like this? Any parent here that could tell me how he would react? Thanks a lot.
You may be very surprised if you talk to your father honestly about this. ''to see my parents happy was just a really good feeling, for once they were proud of me...'' I think there's alot to that. I think your intentions are pure. It's possible that if you tell your father that you tried your best to like it because you didn't want to disappoint him, but that in the end you are so miserable that it makes you sick to the core, he may understand. If he doesn't, you need to move on either way. It's your life. Your father will be retired soon. He won't be the one spending his whole life depressed in a career he doesn't like. Your father will forgive you.
There was never bad intentions behind this.. I am 20, i am very lucky with a lot of things.. I have great friends, a great family, an amazing girlfriend that i've been dating for 3 years really good looking and a very smart girl, all i want is to make everyone around me happy, i usually give a lot of my stuff that i don't use anymore to other people, i am not saying i am rich, but money isn't a problem in our family, and all i want is to see people happy, and sometimes i forget about my own life, that i have to do something with it... Thank you for your words
It is hard living a lie and it is not fair to have your mother living the same lie. Tell your Dad the truth and you probably won't even believe how good you will feel to be free of that stress. Decide what you want to do and plan how to make that happen for you. Two years is a long time to carry this weight, don't carry it one more day.
I am a parent with an 18 y/o that just entered college. If she changes her mind about her selection studies or attending, I would be ok with it. Both her dad and I would try to counsel her into a direction that is best for her future. Yet, there is the emotional side of us that understands that she is not a production machine with no needs or thoughts. If your dad is a bit harsher than us, then I would think that you put a different spin on your new decision. Tell him about the new plan, and how you've got it in action. Let him ask about the old decision, and give him honest grown up rational answers.
If you spend all your time trying to make everyone around you happy then you probably will never be happy yourself, and end up making those around you unhappy. Most parents just want their kids to be happy, and that means doing what you want. Jobs and careers come and go, and change periodically. Don't get wrapped up in a career, find something you are comfortable with and go with that. Most people end up changing careers at some point in time as we just get tired of the same old routine. If you can't enjoy your life, then what is the point?
