He just broke up with me

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by lovekush, Nov 15, 2009.

  1. lovekush

    lovekush Member

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    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and for 3 years before that, he was my best friend. We pretty much have been together for 6 years. We both just turned 25 and a week before my birthday he tells me he wants to talk to me but it has to wait till after my birthday.

    We've been living together for a year and everything is good in our relationship. He tells me he loves me every day and he's the first person I ever loved. He's a really good guy and we both talk about spending our lives together. Even a couple months ago we talked about marriage. On my birthday, while eating with my family, I decide to tell them that he's the guy I want to marry. I don't expect him to propose or anything and at this time we're not ready to get married. I was thinking a couple more years.

    But then right after my birthday, my boyfriend lost his wallet and tore the house apart looking for it. He eventually found it, but while looking for it, he kept complaining about how he hates this house and can't wait till we move (we had plans to get a new house together sometime in the next month) but then out of nowhere, he just broke up with me. It almost seemed like he wanted to break up cause he lost his wallet just cause of the timing. He found his wallet (which was in his jacket, btw) but he still wants to break up.

    He says he wants to move away on his own and lose contact with me, his friends and his family. He already stopped talking to his family. He says he can't be with me cause he'll drag me down and he hates himself and doesn't want to ruin my life because of it. He wants everyone in his life to be out of it with no communication at all. He wants me to move back to Los Angeles (where I'm from) and find someone new who will be there for me and just let him stay (in Michigan) so he could be depressed and lonely. Sometimes he even acts like he wants to kill himself. He tells me the only reason he's still alive is because of me and his dog.

    I don't get it. He was happy with me and I know he is happy with me. I know he's not interested in other girls at all. I've known him for years. He really doesn't care about random hookups and he's kind of a "chick" with that stuff. He thinks people should be in love before they have sex. And we do connect very well. We tell each other everything and never fight or anything. Plus neither one of us are bored in the relationship. We have a lot of fun. But it seems more like a personal problem. my mom used to tell me that you can't love someone until you love yourself. Otherwise it complicates things. He doesn't love himself. But if I'm not with him, there is no point to be here and I should go back to LA. I know I'd have a good job out there and I have a hard time making friends in Michigan. All my friends are out in cali. But this is my home town (in Michigan) and my family is here. I can't be here though. But if I go back, I won't be able to live with myself knowing that he is in Michigan doing horrible. I'm not only heartbroken but I'm worried for him too. I don't know what to do.
     
  2. natural philosophy

    natural philosophy bitchass sexual chocolate

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    sounds like a weiner. just let him off himself and find a man that isn't afraid of you
     
  3. MaryJBlaze

    MaryJBlaze eleven

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    seems that he needs to do the proverbial ``find himself thing``

    let him go

    it`ll be hard and youre gonna struggle a lot at first but each passing day youll get stronger and heal a little more

    maybe someday he`ll come back and say what a mistake he made, maybe he won`t

    it doesnt matter really....

    you know that old saying, if you love something set it free....

    he`s probably doing you a favor in the long run anyways, maybe he will just drag you down with an attitude like that....consider yourself lucky that its now and not a few years down the road when you have a mortgage and a couple kids

    peace and love to you
     
  4. goodvibes83

    goodvibes83 Senior Member

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    yeah dude this sounds extremely hard, and somehow there is no doubt in my mind that he cares...i'd have to agree with mary, except that i always put up fights when i think that i should be with someone. This is all a bit random it seems, maybe he got scared...seems somewhat sociopathic as well

    If you are able to i suggest talking to him, and just letting him know you are willing to listen to anything he says without any judgment, though after six years I would hope he knew that, but it may be important to reinforce that because he may or may not be embarssed about what he has done already...if you are able to, try communication

    shit like this breaks my heart; good luck :)
     
  5. Angemala

    Angemala Guest

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    I think he's suffering from some sort of crisis... as others have said... some sort of "find myself" thing. He should probably go and see a counsellor. If he doesn't want to drag you down, then its best to let him go for a while until he sorts himself out.

    Every relationship has its ups and downs. How much can you put up with until you decide what is right for you?
     
  6. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    He still loves you. Do you think his sudden change in attitude could have to do with your seemingly cursed house?
     
  7. mastercylinder

    mastercylinder Banned

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    hes tired of you and couldnt figure out a way to get free---yes free---you cant own another human being---cry-grieve get moving with your life--hard as fuck scince youve been together so long---maybe he wants a little break but didnt know how to go about doing it so he sabatoged the entire relationship--give a little space hell come back
     
  8. bree53

    bree53 Member

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    That's how the all are. There seems to be a huge problem with men tryin to get men now a days. They do not know anything about commitment. They were babied so they do not know how to be a strong stable man.
     
  9. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

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    Does your boyfriend usually dislike himself like that?

    Actually, I remember you from that dead bird post.

    I say you AND your boyfriend moved the hell out of that house!!!

    See if the problem persists.
     
  10. veroness

    veroness There's only one :)

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    sorry that happend to you. hopefully something good will result in this for you. good luck.
     
  11. Sadhu

    Sadhu Member

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    hes bluffing
     
  12. lovekush

    lovekush Member

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    I disagree with most of you, only because i didn't give the whole story. I know my boyfriend does love me and he really wants to be with me. He's not sick of me.But he has been depressed for 11 years now. He's also 25 years old and suffers from chronic back pain. He was born with a defective back and surgery failed on him. His pain is unbearable and because of it he is prescribed morphine and norcos plus other drugs for depression. He has told me multiple times that he hates his life and he's thought about suicide many times too. His life is going downhill. He can't even pick up anything over 10 lbs without hurting his back. He thinks he will be in a wheel chair by the time he's 40 but I'd love him anyway. He thinks aside from that, he will be hooked to his painkillers and that alone will kill him or he could get off of them and be in chronic pain and unable to work and spend his life in bed. Aside from that, he is normal. He can walk fine and you can't tell anything is wrong with his back by looking at him. His reason to break up with me is because he feels like he's holding me back from life. Every day, when he comes home from work he wants to go to bed and sleep and often I want to do stuff with him but he's in too much pain to go anywhere. He wants me, his friends and his family who love him, out of his life because he doesn't want to drag anyone down with him. He cries about not wanting to let me go but he thinks its the best thing to do.
     
  13. natural philosophy

    natural philosophy bitchass sexual chocolate

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    yea, like i said. sounds like a weiner.
     
  14. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

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    Ahhh, that's the deal, eh... I'm sorry to hear about your ex's physical condition, it must be tough to be in his shoes. But your latest thread suggests you're keeping a positive outlook on this breakup, so at least that's good. Sounds like he really DOES need to be able to love himself before he could enjoy life again.

    I wish him all the best. And I wish you all the best with whatever adventures you'll encounter from this point onward as well. :)
     

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