My friend is still in love with his ex. for a while now. he told me the other night that he talked to her (im not sure why) and he got really depressed. Gave me hints that he was attempting to kill himself. I rushed over there and he got really sick drinking and taking speed. his heart was non stop pounding and I laid him down and tried to calm him down the best I could. he asked me if I could stay the night but I told him i couldnt because I had something to do in early morning but call me when you wake up. He fell fast asleep, his heart still pounding, I stayed there until it slowed some a bit, which it did. Earlier that night, he told me that he wanted her so bad FOR FORGIVENESS. Not to get back together. He treated her bad and he recognized that. She wont give an apologly which makes him drink and bitch. I told him the best advice I could think of and I told him that he knows he changed, he just needs to go out with a girl that likes him, and can handle him and that you like her back and it'll come around to your ex that you are doing good and she'll forgive you. I quickly added but dont do that FOR your ex, do it FOR yourself He agreed with that because his ex said somewhat the same thing over the phone (me and her have almost the same thoughts, its weird) Yesterday I asked him if he'd like to hang out or go out, get all that deep thinking a break, but he made the "im too tired" excuse. theres a lot of stages to get over being in love. I have been. it took me 3 years. RIght now, hes in the "thinking process" I call it. All you do is think. Why is this person not forgiving? Do they even care anymore? Should I just give up and they'll come around when they want to? Thats how I was. I need help on this though. I need people who have really been in love with the wrong person and tell me if hes getting to the end or not. I believe he is but Im just not sure lulu
I don't think you have control over what he does. Just like he doesn't have control over his girlfriend's forgiveness.
so i should just let him come around to it? I just dont want him turning into a nut ball. the thinking process can leave you crazy if you cant handle it properly
Yea, I would agree. In situations where someone needs to make a lifestyle/emotional shift, the push has to come from inside yourself or else it's too easy to just blow off, or get into a deeper funk. Having someone around who is supportive and positive without being pushy is the best way.
I wouldnt say im being pushy but im just trying to get his mind off of it sometimes. I invited him over last night. kept making excuses so i just told him you make the plans when you want to hang out.
See, that's perfect. But he's not "making excuses", he's attending to the feelings he needs to digest, ATM. He needs time.
hes making excuses so he intends to his feelings instead. he doesnt want me to know that hes still hurting but i know he is. thats why i left it up to him i should be a psychologist
I don't think he is getting toward the end of being in love. I think I'm going through the same thing, but I'm not in love with my ex. I always think about him though and wonder if he ever loved me. I can't stop questioning everything and I really hate it.
i went through the same thing. he says hes still in love obviously but he doesnt want her back. Eventually when you step in the thinking process your mind and body will grow tired of trying and want something new and refreshing.
It's kinda funny to me know many people have this thought... without realising that they already are. An essential part of human interaction is figuring out how to understand people (to some degree) and explain their actions (at least to yourself). Academic psychology is pretty boring most of the time. believe you me. And I didn't think you were being pushy, just putting it out there as advice on what NOT to do. Peace & luck
Exactly, that doesn't make any sense that he in love with her, but doesn't want her back. He doesn't love her in the way he use to then. I think he maybe loves her as a close friend. Its really hard to go through this though. I understand it completely. I know I don't love my ex anymore, but I find myself going over it again and again in my mind. I keep wondering if it was my fault and then I realise was the one who was cheated on. It still hurts worse then anything I've ever experienced phyiscally and mentally. Its like apart of me died when he left. I realise now that he wasn't good for me and I wasn't being honest with myself. I was changing into something he wanted to see, I just can't be that person. Still with all this known, sadly I still miss him and think about him. I know there will be a point in which I won't, but for now its just about keeping busy. I think taking him out is a good idea, honestly Tuesday I went to a club with my best friend and danced in/on the cage/pole. It was a great night, not to mention feeling sexy for the first time in a long time. You don't nessecarily need to take him to a club, but I found getting out and doing things helps alot. It takes your mind away from the torture of the thoughts of the broken heart. Just what I think, I think your being a great friend. Tiffany
your friend sounds like a pussy. it's a lame excuse to say you drink and bitch and do speed because of somebody else. nobody is making him do that, he is doing it to himself. dude needs to smoke a blunt and get the fuck over it. its just a woman, after all.
sophie i think you nailed it on the head saying he misses her as a close friend. He likes having people close to him, but usually one thats ust really close...and that what she was, she stood by him like a good friend and therefore, he asked her out. I know this because im currently in this round...or long process interview as being his close friend. we hang out almost every day, he tells something about himself, i tell a little something. we're both opening up. now its only been close to 4 months since weve known another but he told me he nevver opened up so soon and last time he did, it was to his ex. so im a little happy, satified that i could give him that hope
