I'm the kind of person that has a hard time dealing with and letting other people know how I feel. I have difficulty confronting problems when they happen, sometimes thinking that people should already know what the deal is. I get walked on a lot and it seems like one of the qualities people like about me is that I'm a good listener and I don't talk very much. But once I open my mouth and explain how I feel and let people know about what they're doing and how it affects others, people go 'whoa! What happened to the cool person I know?' I have 2 roommates now. One I barely know, she rarely talks to me and thinks my friends are scary/creepy whatever. She hasn't taken time to know who or how they are and it seems like she makes a lot of pre-judgments about people in my own opinion. Most of the people I talk to (here on HF) know about my situation. When she first moved in, she was practically begging me to get an internet service in the house. I ended up finding one and putting it in my name. She agreed to pay for it, though it's been late at least 10 out of the 11-12 months we've had it now. I've also ended up paying it about 3-4 times because the bill would just sit on the counter for 2 weeks after it was due. And up until my buddy moved in, she'd been living here for a year and only did the dishes like 3 times and vacuumed the living area one time. It's really hard for me to confront her about these things because she comes home from work, goes straight to her room and stays there. lol, I told one of my friends the other day, "You know why she does that? Scurrying around and avoiding people all the time? It's cuz she knows she's a horrible fucking roommate." Ruthless, I know, but that's just how I am. I'm a shit talker I guess, but the only reason I talk shit is because things aren't right and need to be fixed. Now, I have another roommate that moved in recently. A good friend of mine. He's a good person. Very chaotic, but essentially good natured. He's very co-dependent and seeks people's approval on everything, which I don't understand. Maybe we're such good friends because we're extreme polar opposites of one another. I'm more of an orderly type of person and don't ask for help unless it's absolutely necessary. He's constantly asking me to do stupid simple things. Like I noticed he left the eggs out the other day and forgot about it (he forgets a LOT of things). So I told him about it, and he goes 'oh yeah, I forgot. Could you do a bro a favor and put them away?' I said right away, '...NO. I didn't get the shit out!' it was mildly hilarious. But things like this happen all the time. On top of that, I feel like he's always making plans and me saying 'I don't know,' he interprets as a 'yes' or that I'm okay with it. The other day, he invited a few people over, 2 of which I know and didn't mind hanging out with, but he left with his other friend while the other 2 people he invited over stayed here for an extra few hours. Like I said, I didn't mind they stayed, but it's the fact that he invited them over, then left while they were still here. wtf. He showed a lot of initiative when he first moved in, so did my other roommate. But now I'm realizing first impressions aren't very noteworthy. They aren't worth shit actually. He keeps telling me 'oh, we'll have a cleaning day on my day off.' Then his day off comes around and he invites a bunch of people over and parties the day away. I can't leave the house or get anything done because I have to keep an eye on things (remember, he's extremely forgetful) and again, words are meaningless and nothing gets done. I feel like I'm being used and walked on everywhere I turn. I'm thinking of just throwing caution to the wind and letting my inner asshole shine. Which I have a hard time doing, because that affects my reputation. I don't like when people don't like me. They look at me like I'm not as nice of a friend to have. But I don't like being fucking walked on either. Eventually I'm just going to make a day of it. Get all my asshole feelings out in the open in one swift kick to everyone's nutsack. Time will tell I suppose...
Oh! The reason I created this thread is because I wanted to explain how, the more things like this happen, with the addition of my health problems recently, spending tons of money on doctor's 'professional' opinions and getting nowhere... It seems as though, the more time passes, the colder I get. I am not a happy person right now. At all. And it's really starting to bother me. I feel like no one else really notices how unhappy I am right now. I need one of two things. I either need a vacation, or I just need to fricken snap on people. I don't like hurting people's feelings and making them uncomfortable... But I'm probably going to. As uncomfortable as I am right now, in my own damn house... Fuck em. Right?
The best course of action would be to hold a house meeting of sorts and tell them in a reasonable way how you feel. I so understand where you're at though, i too have a tendency to hold things in until i'm so tense I just kind of lash out. Dont do that though, it never helps matters.
