Can't have sex again... what would you do?

So I've been dating this guy for a very long time. He has been my best friend for five years and we've been in a serious relationship for three years. We've talked about marriage in the future. Not now, but in the future after we're both ready for it (as in both have great jobs, steady income, schooling is completed and we are where we want to be in life). We're both turning 25 this fall and won't wanna get married till a couple more years but we've been living together for the past year. We are in love with each other and have never been happier.

But here is the problem...

A while back he had to get back surgery. I've been taking care of him for awhile. That was years ago when he had his back surgery and it was quite the risky surgery he had. He took the chances of getting it done so he wouldn't be in a life time amount of chronic pain. He had the surgery but the doctor screwed up and nicked a nerve. He told y boyfriend that he could possibly lose his ability to get an erection due to complications from the surgery. He's been fine since the surgery with a little problems here and there but now for the past month, he hasn't been able to get an erection. It's gone. His doctor won't give hi a script for viagra or anything like that. We haven't had sex for a month, at least. His doctor says this is only the beginning of this problem

It just saddens me to know there is a chance we'll never be able to have sex again. Maybe we will, but five years from now, it'll be a lot worse than it is now. It must be worse for him than it is for me. Knowing he could never have an orgasm again. i can masturbate, no problem. He can assist me with that orally. I'm willing to sacrifice sex for him. But what would you do? If you found out that the man (or woman) you loved was never able to have sex with you ever again, what would you do? It's one thing if the person you love wants to save themselves for marriage. But its another thing when even on your wedding night or 20th wedding anniversary, you can't ever have sex with your partner.

 

I would stay, I think if you can find a guy who actually clicks with you that you can give up some things.

And just so ya know, he may still be able to orgasm some guys can get off while their soft!

 

Yeah i would never leave him. I'm just worried for him.

 

I agree with sarahrei.

Also, just because he can't get an erection doesn't mean you can't ever have sex again. It makes intercourse difficult, but what about foreplay and love? Just because he can't get an erection doesn't mean he doesn't get turned on and doesn't have hormones. Make out, roll around in bed and get hot, dirty and sweaty and touch, caress and play with each other. Use your hands and your mouths and have sex with his body, not just his cock.

I know what you're saying when it comes to not being able to have sex on your wedding night etc. But make the most of what you have, you are two sexual human beings who are in love.. You can still be intimate without intercourse.

Try not to worry. You are an inspiration for the things that we take for granted. You can only do your best in these circumstances. It sounds like what you have between you may be better than many can imagine. Good luck with your future wedding plans

 

Well said dolly, also farther down the line if the doctor says it's alright he can also get a penile implant.

 

:cheers2:

That's a good point too! So fluttersteke, all is not lost

 

Sex isn't necessary for a good relationship. It's just an added bonus. If I loved someone, I wouldn't care.

 

I would never leave him...just make sure that I can still pleasure him in any way I can and make sure he knows that I am still getting my fix so there is no question about me becoming unfaithful...hope that helps

GOOD LUCK!!

 

fuck that get another dr---get some viagra be getle be on top and sue the dr who nicked his nerve----you got money coming no matter what you signeg under duress--plenty of female toys so youll be cool but unless hes a prostate guy hes in a bad way-----really wish you luck

 

Oh really? The existance of this thread alone suggests otherwise

Confronting isnt it. Marriage is all supposed to be about love and trust and commitment, but the thought of going through it with someone your not having sex with.......


As a girl, your not supposed to be all about the sex, cos everyone else your entire life has been telling you that girls that are about the sex are skanky, whorish, selfish, shallow.

Which begs the question, why dont people marry people they aint going to have sex with?

 

Um, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
If everything in relationship is fine other then him getting hard.

Then I wouldn't have doubts.

 

I don't want be the downer here, but...

Don't fool yourself or him.
It doesn't matter what the people on the forum think. It matters what you want in a husband.
Now is the time to be honest with yourself.
Do you want a husband with these medical issues?
Are you willing to go through your life with a man with those problems?

Don't try to be noble, be who you are.
Be honest with yourself and with him.

Good luck which ever way you choose.

 

I would stay, but it would be kind of sad for me. Sex is definitely a bonus in a relationship, but it is so fun to have that connection with that partner. I would feel bad and worry about satisfying him sexually. Also I agree with mastercylinder you should sue that doctor. If you haven't tried Viagra or something along that lines maybe there is still hope. Look into other doctors just to cross your Ts and dot your Is...

 

In addition to some of the other suggestions have you considered him wearing a strap on for you, I know it,s not the same, but it may give you both some pleasure.

 

What would I do? Um, sue the doctor for starters. Then buy all the wackiest sex toys with the money.

 

I wouldn't give a fuck either way. If I was doomed to a life of fingerbanging and cuddling, then rock on.

 

Best answer award.

 

First of all, you don't know my situation. Don't fucking tell me that I don't love my boyfriend. He has been my best friend for years and my boyfriend for the past 3 years. I do love him and even if he was in a wheelchair (the doc said he could end up in one by the time he's 30-40), I will still love him and I will still be with him. You say, I probably don't love him because I created this thread in the first place. That's bull shit!!! I didn't create this thread to decide whether or not I should break up with my boyfriend. I know a lot of people are responding to this saying, "you should stay with him if you really love him". I have no doubt in mind... I love him 100% and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I created this thread because I feel like I need to talk about it. I wasn't looking for answers or advice from people. I can't talk about this with my friends, as my boyfriend is kind of embarrassed by this. But this is a forum and all I am to you is a nickname and an avatar. I just needed to get this out. I'm not worried about the sex. It goes beyond that. There is a lot more I didn't mention in this thread. I treat hipforums like a diary. I write what is on my mind. In fact, this bothers him way more than it bothers me. I just wanted to talk about this with someone who might listen.

Thanks for making me feel like shit.

 

And Vana,

He can't sue the doctor who fucked up his back. he had to sign a waver saying that he wouldn't hold that doctor responsible since it's such an iffy surgery. And to the other comments saying "you don't have to be hard to have an orgasm". I forgot to mention that he does get hard sometimes but he is unable to cum. We do have sex sometimes. In the past month he hasn't wanted to. It's just he is unable to reach orgasm. He ends up losing his erection because he suffers from chronic pain. If he takes his medication then he can't get hard but if he doesn't take his medication then he goes through withdraw and still has the chronic pain. he will concentrate too hard on the pain and can't achieve orgasm. He still pleases me but a lot of the times he doesn't wanna have sex because it's so horrible for him. Like I said, I'm not concerned about myself not having sex. I'm more worried about him. =(

 

buy him a strap-on and tell him to grow a moustache. should clear things right up.