Are you afraid of dying?

Discussion in 'Old Hippies' started by granny_longhair, Apr 23, 2010.

  1. granny_longhair

    granny_longhair Member

    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    6
    I've found this to be a question lots of people my age don't want to talk about. I'm not exactly crazy about it either, but I think it's a reasonable thing to ask.

    I'm definitely afraid of death. That doesn't mean I sit around wringing my hands, but it does mean I'm aware of my own mortality in a way I never was before. It's a cliche that each day could be my last, but that truth hits home like it never did when I was young.

    I made all the "arrangements" and stuff a few years ago. Doing the attorney thing is rather disturbing to go through, but I've seen what happens when someone dies without having their affairs and papers in order. Dying is very complicated. I'm sure it varies by state, but it can take years to get through probate court, if the papers aren't done just right.

    Not only that, but have you priced funerals lately? Good lord, you're talking thousands of dollars for even a minimal casket and everything.
     
    DrRainbow likes this.
  2. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

    Messages:
    16,622
    Likes Received:
    30
    Well- it's a good question...

    I'm not crazy about the prospect either but death is an inevitable passage that we're destined to take alone. I'm becoming less and less fearful of this inevitability but I have no guarantee that upon learning of my imminent demise I'd process the data very bravely.

    I have yet to make any of the "arrangements" but knowing this culture as I do I have no doubt that the process is calculated to take as much of the deceased's resources as possible with all the "proper" post mortem avenues.

    To me, worrying excessively about death makes one the victim of it long before it happens. I'm far too busy living to be bothered with that.
     
  3. granny_longhair

    granny_longhair Member

    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    6
    Are you married? Do you have children? Even if you don't, it makes sense to take care of this. Not to be morbid, but if you don't take care of it someone will be stuck with the expenses, and you have no real control over who.

    Your comment about "taking as much of the deceased's resources as possible" is a common misconception, which is mostly only relevant if you don't plan properly for it.


    LOL ... I didn't say anything about "worrying excessively".
     
  4. Shale

    Shale ~

    Messages:
    5,190
    Likes Received:
    318
    I've been atuned to that reality for a few years now. One of my taglines is "More History than Future." Like what have I got; one good decade (75), 20 years (85).

    When I see the past decades - what could be a lifetime to some is a very short time to me. Especially since the years seem to be in another time vortex than they were when I was younger.

    My plans are very counter-culture and unofficial. My stepdaughter is "in trust for" on my bank accounts. She just brings in a death certificate to close them out.

    I haven't done probate - don't own anything except what's in my apartment. My stepdaughter is supposed to clean that out - and a few things I'd like to be distributed (like my library on sexuality and my personal writings on sexuality to the Kinsey Institute).

    If that doesn't happen, guess what?
    It's Not My Problem! :D

    (I have given her instructions NOT to read my later sexual memoirs concerning her mother, but the girl will be aghast to see the extent of my pervs - and her mommas.)

    Her husband has been in the funeral biz for years, everything from pick up to lay out and hearses. I told them to just cremate me and there will be enuf $ in the accounts to cover that. They can spread my ashes illegally in the same butterfly garden where my wife's ashes are, or dump them in the surf at the nude beach (or flush them down the toilet - they'll get to the sea eventually).

    Actually, both my long term companions have died. (Both of them 20 years after hooking up with me). Somehow that takes the fear edge off, knowing that someone you loved and were connected to has experienced it.

    I really believe in quality of life and I have had a good life. I believe in euthenasia and wish our culture would embrace this so that ppl don't have to suffer for long periods like my wife did. It would have been so nice to pick the time and place to say goodbye, then take that final peaceful sleep.

    As is, I will likely off myself in less peaceful circumstances if faced with some long term incapacitation. I really evaluate how it would be if I couldn't run or ride my bike. I may adjust to less mobility or more likely would just say fuck it, I'm outta here. :p
     
  5. granny_longhair

    granny_longhair Member

    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    6
    I totally agree. I think it's absurd that you're not allowed to choose your own time to die, at least not "officially".

    I've had a couple of friends so far with terminal conditions, and it's interesting to see how they react as their death approaches. If they've had sufficient time to get their head around it, they're generally ok with it.

    I have a friend now with terminal leukemia. Early on, he made the decision that he didn't want to live out his final days in a deathbed, stuck full of IV's and whatnot. So he's been traveling and visiting friends, seeing his favorite places one last time. He won't "live" as long as he might have, but he's happy with his decision.

    If he's happy with it, how can anyone else not be?
     
  6. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

    Messages:
    16,622
    Likes Received:
    30
    Not married and no kids at this point. I know what you're saying and agree that it's important. I think the decision needs to come from a discussion with the people I would expect to be saddled with sorting out my affairs... my statement about taking as much resources as possible stems from my own deep suspicions with the marketplace in general... and death furnishes a market for an industry whose objective, like most others, is to make as big a profit as possible.

    Frankly, I'd prefer my last rites be held on a rented party boat where my carcass is shoved overboard for the sharks to take care of while surviving family and friends party- celebrating my life. I know you didn't specifically mention "worrying excessively"... the term came from my own internal process of the inevitability and my own history of previously being morbidly terrified of dying. It's gonna happen... I know it. I still have to emotionally extricate myself from it in order to be able to make the proper arrangements... and that's a process I'm still dealing with.
     
  7. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    22,493
    Likes Received:
    14,738
    Good morning Granny.Not fearfull,but not overly excited about dying and not being able to see and be with my kids and grand kids. My life has been pretty full of excitement at times,,very sad at times and pretty crazy at times too. A few regrets,but not many.There are plenty of situations I wish I had put myself into over the past years,but I suppose most lives are like that.It makes me sad tho,when I think about the kids/grandkids and that they are going to die. Entirely natural ,but that's the one I don't like to think about. Many of my friends are gone--and our time is about over. That is as it should be.
     
  8. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    22,493
    Likes Received:
    14,738
    To add: Told my son to burn me up,take the ashes ,mix them into some paint or some kind of refinishing material and paint various objects that family will more than likely see often(eg:eek:ne of his guitars ). It'l take a little longer to fade away.
     
  9. PAX-MAN

    PAX-MAN Just A Old Hippy

    Messages:
    1,110
    Likes Received:
    2
    No I'm not. Eleven years ago I was diagnosed with a liver disease and I've spent seven of those years waiting to die or getting a liver transplant. It's surprising how much thought you put into it when all you have to do is sit there and wait. So, if and when it happens - big deal. I've come to terms with it already. I'm leaving my body to science. Once they're finished with it, it will be cremated and disposed of accordingly. I have no blood relatives left. They are all dead. All my worldly possessions are going to charity, according to my will. If you decide to get cremated and you want your ashes left to your loved ones, a good thing to consider is to have your ashes incorporated into a glaze and applied onto a pot. It is becoming extremely popular. Why let your body take up space after you are gone? Haven't you left a large enough carbon footprint already? But, that's just my opinion.

    PAX
     
  10. shameless_heifer

    shameless_heifer Super Moderator Super Moderator

    Messages:
    7,816
    Likes Received:
    104
    In Texas, it is only hard if you leave a will. Texas is a commuinty property state the next of kin gets whatever. No courts or lawyers. That is if there is no heir that is in dispute.

    When my father died everything went to my mother, when she passed me and my sisters devided what she had left to us.

    I'm not ready to die yet. I'm not fearfull either. I just dont want to live out a painfull and costly death. I dont want my family to see me waste away suffering. I had to watch my daughter waste away and died. I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy.

    My husband and I have our plots but have not pre-payed for the funeral. My mother pre-paid when my father passed, she made all the arrangements. She out lived my father by almost 30 yrs. With inflation, funeral home changing hands ect. We still had to come up with 2,500 to cover the "new cost". It was unexpected and not that easy to get together.

    It's hard to know what to do.. hubby says to dig a hole put him in a pine box and cover him up with the backhoe. I dont see that happening tho. I would have to sell the farm if anything happen to him, just to get him buried. I dont even want to think about that at all.

    sh
     
  11. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    22,493
    Likes Received:
    14,738
    Sell the farm! There has to be a better way,SH. I hope so.---My girlfriends mom died at 96, 2 years ago and it cost her 8,000 dollars!! And get this--they gave her a 5 year guarantee on her casket. What the hell? I'm with shale on this one.I told my kids to kick the plug outta the wall if I'm vegged out.
     
  12. thedope

    thedope glad attention Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    22,574
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    I think fear of dying is a misnomer. I think we fear what may or may not survive.
     
  13. TipsyGypsy

    TipsyGypsy Light of a Fading Star

    Messages:
    6,329
    Likes Received:
    548
    I'm scared of dying and I'm in my 20s. Recently there have been stories of a lot of young, seemingly healthy people who have just died in their sleep. So, now I make the most of everyday, because you never know when it'll be your last ;)
     
  14. NotDeadYet

    NotDeadYet Not even close.

    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    68
    That's never a bad plan. :)

    I'm afraid of extreme pain and suffering. I'm not worried about dying in my sleep. That's fine with me.
     
  15. Justin_Hale

    Justin_Hale ( •_•)⌐■-■ ...(⌐■_■)

    Messages:
    4,080
    Likes Received:
    361
    When i die..

    I would like a cedar casket with gold trim and white satin lining. A lighted stone bridge that guides visitors over a moat leading to my marble two story castle / mausoleum, with access to the roof, and two hidden rooms. Elegant ceilings and floors. Oh, and a balcony of course.

    But i can't afford all that, so i told everyone to just let the city dispose of me. I've paid enough taxes to cover my being cleaned up. Maybe they can make glue, or lamp oil out of me. I don't care if i'm flushed down the toilet, i just don't want to be fussed over!

    I agree with the 'un-plug me' option as well. I don't want to live my last days in pain, and hooked to a machine.

    I am not afraid of dying, i just don't want to right now. :)
     
  16. ItsAndrewBet

    ItsAndrewBet Member

    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    1
    Well I don't want to die young, but I'm not afraid. It is a part of life just like anything, I don't see why someone should be fearful of something that is going to guaranteed to happen...
     
  17. granny_longhair

    granny_longhair Member

    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    6
    I think most everyone would agree with you. That's why we need to be able to make that decision ourselves.

    That may not even be legal ... I'm not sure.


    You can get a small burial insurance policy that will pay for it.
     
  18. granny_longhair

    granny_longhair Member

    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    6
    Just "telling everyone" may not be enough, legally speaking. Although it might depend on what state/country you're in. You might need a proper, legal will. You should look into it, in any case. There are low-cost ways to get legal information on stuff like this.
     
  19. granny_longhair

    granny_longhair Member

    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    6
    I'm guessing you're not nearly as old as I am .. lol.

    Yes, it's guaranteed. But being guaranteed doesn't make something less fearful.

    Like I said earlier, it's not like I sit around bemoaning my fate. I've finished up my "bucket list". I have few regrets. I'm satisfied with my life.

    But if life on earth is anything, it's tenacious. When you're young, the concept of dying is so abstract as to be almost incomprehensible. At my age, however, it's no longer abstract. It stares me in the face every morning. And even though I've made my peace with it, it still frightens me. I think that's just how nature designed it. She wants us to fight to stay alive.

    If I think about never seeing my grandkids again, for instance, that's scary to me. There are so many things I love that I would never be able to do again. And yes of course I realize that if you're dead, it won't matter to you. But it matters now.

    And then there's the whole notion of an afterlife. I don't think I especially believe in an afterlife, but the fact is, I don't really know for sure, and neither does anyone else. What if there is one?
     
  20. Shale

    Shale ~

    Messages:
    5,190
    Likes Received:
    318

    Don't know if you're familiar with cartoonist Gahan Wilson. (Still alive at 80 now). I've been laughing at his macabre cartoons in Playboy all my adult life.

    Here's one of his themes that fit your request:
    [​IMG]

    Tell the family to be sure to use the right container:
    [​IMG]

    Srsly tho, I often wished we would have the option of being turned into methane instead of being cremated. Mostly the same end, except instead of using fuel to dispose of my body, it could become fuel for some public good.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice