Are relationships like politics?

I've noticed that every guy I date (and every guy my friends date) seems to be perfect for only about a month (give or take), and that is 2 weeks prior to the first kiss and the "thing" becomes official and 2 weeks after that.

After that point they quit being nice (you know, doing those little things, like texting every day just to say "hi" and ask if we're ok, etc.), punctual, caring, etc. They become unconsiderate and it grows worse and worse over time.

Being someone who doesn't care much about beauty but WAAAAAAY MORE about personality traits, that's a MAJOR fault for me. I mean, it makes me feel cheated, as if I only then knew the real man behind the act and the one I formerly knew was only a façade. Then I'm forced to get rid of them, because once I'm used to being treated perfectly by a partner I'm not settling for anything less than that from him.

My question is: Are man like politicians and their partners the electorate?

They seem to be perfect only until they get (or think they got) our vote.
Of course they never really trick me cuz I know they'll eventually fuck up (and until I meet the one that proves my intuition wrong, I'm sticking to this pessimistic generalization).

Does this mean that in relationships, just like in politics, we should just settle for less and cast our vote knowing that in the end we won't be getting anything even close to what we voted for?

 

Here's a puzzle for guys: how to impress a girl enough to go out with you but not too much so she doesn't expect you to be perfect. Hmmm...

If they never really trick you because you know they'll eventually fuck up, then why bother dating them?

Could it be because you're hoping you'll be proven wrong for once? Then allow me to save you the trouble of hoping, because everybody WILL fuck up at some point. There is no such thing as a partner who will NOT FUCK UP.

But you know this, right? You wouldn't have posted this if you didn't know that no such guy exists. So what's the problem then? Are you, in spite of your insight, still looking for that PERFECT GUY® from whom you can expect nothing but PERFECT TREATMENT™ every day?

Or does it mean that you should give up looking for Mr. Perfect and start looking at Mr. Real? Real men fuck up. Most of us don't mean to, but all of us inevitably do. It's human nature. You do it too. We all do it.

I think it's not a question of settling for less. It's a question of:

A.) Whether or not you are willing to drop the image of the PERFECT GUY® that seems to be clouding your vision; and

B.) Whether or not you are willing to look for the real guy in front of you, see him for who he really is (the things that attract you to him, his good points, his strengths, the things that turn you off, his fuck-ups, his hang-ups, etc.), and decide whether or not you are willing to accept who he is. (Hopefully he'll do the same thing with you.)

 

Um... being less than perfect is not gender specific and demanding "perfect" treatment is a perfect recipe for a lifetime of bitterness. Anyone showing only good aspects of who they are- will almost certainly be hiding something... it's quite dishonest. It's also just a wee bit insulting... as though a flawless persona is somehow possible.

In other words... pretty much what Musikero said.

 

I liked your post. You took my words out of the context but I appreciate that you shared your thoughts on this. Most people haven't lol *Makes mental note to add the words "ass" and "pussy juice" to the next thread title*.

To begin with, I'm a guy
And I don't expect them to be perfect. I expect them to be the men they got me used to from the beginning. If a man has always been wonderful then I expect him not to change his ways and become unconsiderate just because he got me/thinks he got me.

You're close, yes. I haven't given up on dating because there's still a chance a good GENUINE guy might come along.
And of course I know everybody will fuck up eventually. But you're misreading what I wrote.

What I consider fucking up is a man start being completely unconsiderate right out of the blue cuz he thinks he doesn't have to make efforts anymore. When I say they'll fuck up I mean show their real selves and that they had been acting nicer than they actually are.
And this happens A LOT.

For example, a man arrives late once or twice for dates. That's ok. I can ignore that. What I can't ingnore is a man who has always been extremely punctual coming late and ditch me so often that it becomes the rule rather than the exception.
That's fucking up, beacuse it really shows they were just playing nice in the beginning to nail me.

Now you're kinda patronizing me. I wasn't born yesterday. I do know the perfect man doesn't exist (boy, do I know it! )

But like you said, that's exactly what I want: Mister Real! A man, not a politician.
But the thing is they only show Mr. Fake: the perfect guy who's never late, who's always caring and tender, who never does anything wrong. And then they give us a cold shower by competely changing their behaviour. For worse!

Why can't they just be themselves from the very begining so we know what we can count with and decide wether we're settling for that or not?
It's what I do. I show them exactly who I am. No sugarcoating.

See? What I believe in is not an utopia. It's called honesty and being genuine.





P.S: Nop. I can honestly say I've never fucked up when in a relationship.

I'm never late, I don't ditch (and if I do it's because I REALLY can't make it to the date due to some very serious reason and not only I'll call him but also make up for ditching him), I'm not clingy nor am I cold and unemotional, etc.
I'm not saying it won't happen.

I might even fuck up tomorrow, but till now my ex's can't point a finger at me. (Well, only for dumping them. lol)

So even if I demanded a guy who didn't fuck up (which I don't), it would only be asking for reciprocity ^^

 

Precisely! So, and this goes both to men and women, please don't!

 

That might work!

I apologize. I didn't see where you were coming from and - well, you came across as someone who wanted a fairy tale prince charming and kept getting disappointed when the man turned out to be someone else all along. So, sorry 'bout that. Also, sorry about mistaking you for a woman. Your post kinda sounded like one (in my head).:blush5:

*sigh* I wish I had an answer for that one. Honestly I don't know. How to find someone who's willing to just be himself/herself - that one's difficult. Is there anything else that these guys have in common besides the really dazzling masks they wear that they take off once they get comfortable? Like, what draws you to them? What draws them to you?

 

I've tried to analyze this, trying to come to a conclusion on what could have caused the change in their beahviour, or a way to understand if a man is genuinely good or is simply acting.

What drew me to them was their intelligence, sense of humour, how considerate they seemed to be, how they took things slowly instead of start flirting with me right on the first time we met and how invested they were in getting to know me.

What drew them to me, according to what they told me, was my wit and maturity, my sense of humour, my looks and (I guess) how I'm not that easy to get but without overplaying "hard to get".

There's a thing they all had in common (among several others): they were all the chasers. It was them chasing me and not the other way around.

Could it be they got so used to the hunting that when they didn't have to do it anymore they simply lost the interest? And, if so, does this mean I shouldn't let them do all the chasing (I'm defo not goona do it all myself) from now on so they don't become addicted to the hunting game and become careless when it is over?