A letter to the man who will take my same sex virginity

I write such a letter every once in awhile in order to sort my thoughts and think about what I'm looking for. This is the first time I have chosen to share one of these on Hip Forums. I've already put this up in Reddit and I might in other places. I'm hoping that others might see another angle and have a more dynamic understanding of my feelings for the same sex. And honestly I'm hoping this catches the attention of the right guy, so in a way it's a different kind of personal ad.
I don't mean this letter to be terribly literal. I'm writing more with my heart here. It's quite personal, and is an intimate look into my feelings. It describes how I could expect this to begin, and what I hope happens. A lot of my goals and desires of course will be refined after I have experience to base them on.
I will continue writing these whenever I get the urge. Each one has been created from scratch, though they contain a lot of content from previous versions. I plan on writing these this way, though I will be open to updating something already written or use such as a model for my current writing. If I don't have a negative experience posting them, I'll consider keeping on posting, and probably will.
Dear New Special Friend:
It has come to this. You and I met through Reddit or some other social media Website, or a dating Website, or through a common friend, or randomly on the street. That's not relevant. You're probably older than me, but maybe not. What's more significant is you have experience with such things, along with a certain wisdom. Our meeting has led you and me to establishing a line of communication between each other. This line has effected a familiarity, an acquaintanceship. You and I started over the Internet using email, chat rooms and other means of direct and discreet communication. We got to know each other. We became more comfortable with each other. We became friends. Maybe after awhile we tested the waters with cybersex. Maybe there was camming involved. At some point we exchanged telephone numbers. After that we became significantly more reachable. Maybe we sent each other texts with hidden messages understood only by you and me. It gave us something to look forward to while at work.
Eventually we met. It was probably at a quiet-ish bar or coffee shop, which was busy enough where no one was paying particular attention to us but slow enough we could comfortably hear each other talk. Maybe we were creative with our first physical location and it was someplace else. The point is we talked face to face and got a better feel of each other's vibe, which must have been consistent with our previous expectations because we agreed to meet again, whether at your or my place the next time or in discreet public venues some number of times before going home.
And so here we are. You. I. Alone. I have waited for this opportunity ever since I saw you as a possible guy. When I first began sensing an attraction to members of the same sex in my early 20s, I had so much guilt, shame and conclusion about it because I didn't feel entitled to have these feelings. Yet I had them. It took me over 20 years first to make sense of my feelings, then accept them. When I came to the spontaneous realization that I am a bisexual, a lot of things snapped into place. The fact I like guys and I can be with guys became less abstract and more substantial. The necessity (maybe too strong of a word to use here) and hope of sleeping with a guy increased.
This led me to you and our presence with each other right now. We didn't address the elephant in the room for awhile, but the conversation did eventually approach the reason for our being together. You probably still have all your clothes on. We agreed (or maybe it was just my idea) that when I was ready, I would take off all my clothes. Well I just left the room and I return, naked. This has both practical and symbolic meaning of my vulnerability to you. I am now physically accessible to you. You have access to my whole body without any clothing or anything else in the way of that access. And my nudity is my sign to you that you are my friend and I value our friendship. I feel comfortable with you and I trust you. I humbly offer to you not only my body but also myself. I offer a deep, personal part of myself I have never offered anyone, not even a woman. Because of our friendship and your knowledge and experience I trust you enough to give you control over me as you deflower me. I trust you to lead me to my first experience of homosexuality. Tonight I want to be completely gay for you.
As you gaze at me in my nudity, I hope you see I'm handsome. I hope you see I'm beautiful. I hope I stir your loins and arouse you. I hope your desire for me grows. I know I will desire you that much more once your clothes join mine in a pile on the floor.
Please be kind, gentle, considerate, compassionate. Assure me I'm doing the right thing. Let me know I'm on the right path. Tell me you're proud of me. I probably have so many confusing, conflicting feelings, and the butterflies in my stomach have been replaced with helicopters. I trust the uncomfortable feelings will slowly subside making me become more aware of the excitement, anticipation, lust.
I feel close to you right now, and I want to feel so much closer to you. So don't fuck me. Make love to me! Give me sensations I could barely have with a woman. Be intense but lighthearted. Kiss me. A lot. Show me how to please you. I want to feel new sensations, pleasures from a person of the same sex as mine. But I also want to learn how to give that back, to men in general and specifically to you, on top of hoping I turn you on. I want to be the source of much pleasure for you.
Please realize that the moment you put your penis in my anus, you own me. This one act will be one of the most important and one of the most memorable events of my whole life. This act solidly confirms you as my first guy in my life. No matter where life takes each of us, you and I will always have that bond. This will also be my ultimate affirmation of my desires for members of the same sex. By actively choosing to have your penis inside me I embrace the fact I like guys.
You'll probably be more aware of this than me, but I might be unpredictable after our lovemaking. I might not be able to process the situation after such a sexually charged high and during a low where I'm thinking in different terms. I might strongly want to pack up and go, or ask you to leave, depending on who is at who's place. Please abide if that is my choice. Maybe I will crave comfort from you. If so please hold me. Let me cry my eyes out. I will have come such a long, long way from that fateful day when I woke up and all of a sudden the idea of doing things with a guy popped in my thoughts and to my shock I realized I was turned on.
But however I look at our time together after and outside of the fact, I will probably feel a deeper closeness to you, and I hope you feel the same. I will probably want to cuddle closely with you, with a big grin on my face, sharing kisses with each other as we both fall asleep.
Tomorrow morning whoever wakes up first might wake the other up with more kisses. When I wake up, it will be the first day of me, in a way, as a man. I will have finally accomplished something that would have been years in the making. I will be so proud of myself, and I hope you will be too. And now when we make love I will be a little closer to being equal to you.
I hope we continue a strong friendship with each other, and I hope we continue our intimacy as an aspect of that friendship. I hope we get to try different things: maybe experiment with bondage or invite another person to our bed. And this is something I wouldn't dare to consider until very recently, and I'm not pushing anything, but let's be realistic. It's possible you and I could fall in love with each other. I don't see myself as biromantic, but stranger things have happened and there are a lot of unknowns with this pending experience and how I will process it. In that case I would welcome you as my Boyfriend if that were meant to happen and hope it would work out. But one step at a time. I'm dedicated and determined to have this experience before I'm unable to. For now just take my hand and lead me on one leg of this journey, and let's see where it's meant to take us.