A letter to my parents (WARNING: long thread)

4 months ago I was caught smoking weed. Less then a month later I was two more times. Since the end of December, I have worked really hard to not get caught anymore as well as change my attitude. Its working but really slowly. However, I am tired of the way things are (I've been tired of this since wayyyyyy before I was caught). Is this letter a good idea? or will it make them even more mad? keep in mind my parents are suuuppper strict. like nazi strict. as much as i hate to say it that way...


here it is.......................................................................................

Dear Mom and Dad,
This letter has been a long time coming. As you failed to recognize in the last letter I wrote, I have a lot of deeply burrowed feelings towards you both. Not only have you robbed me of my adolescence, you have also had adverse effects on the way I interact with everyone around me. You expect me to be content living in the most sheltered of ways, you expect me to learn only from your mistakes and forbid me from committing my own. I know that I cannot expect you to allow me to do all that I would like to do; however, I feel that you should be more understanding and accepting as well as permissible.
I know you allow me to wander around downtown Asheville, and I know that you enjoy throwing that in my face whenever I ask for more privileges; however, I feel that I deserve more freedoms. As you know four months ago we experienced a falling out-and two more in the following months. But you have taken this too far. You continue to punish me for what I have already apologized for. I know you are unable of making any compromises, but I want you too know that I am tired of being your doormat.
As you have lost your trust in me, I have lost my respect for you. As I have told you in my previous letter, I fear you more than I respect you. You do not allow me to have feelings of my own, especially those of anger. You yell at me, criticize me and give me the cold shoulder when I am right to be mad. You have raised me the way a dictator would rule the country, your way or the highway. Because of your totalitarian parenting style, I now have confrontational issues that I may never move past. You say you remember what it was like when you were my age, but I have come to doubt that. You know nothing and refuse to learn.
You have robbed me of experience, and for that I can never forgive you.
Sincerely,
Lauren

 

I feel for the sentiments you have expressed living under such conditions
must be soul destroying.

Upon reflection all of us at have had parental conflict of some sort but cruelty and humiliation is unacceptable.

Try to detach yourself from this negativity happy in the knowledge you are different.

:2thumbsup:

 

Excellent letter. I'm sorry about everything that's happened to you. Your parents seem like a-holes.

 

Try explaining to your parents what changes you would like to be made and back this up with reasons why you think this would improve your relationship with them, be assertive with them and show them you can be mature

 

I read the first sentence.

No. it's a bad idea.

I'll come back later and offer in depth advice, unfortoinatly i'm a bit preoccupied right now. but within a few hours I'll edit this post to be much more helpful.

 

That's a stab at the heart, for sure.

I would say trying to talk to them about your feelings is better than a letter. You don't know what they will think of your written words (how they will interpret what you mean).

I wrote a letter to my parents when I was around 9 years old. I never meant for them to read it, I was just venting. I used every cuss word I knew.

My mom found it and it made her angry at first, then she cried really bad. When my dad came home he beat me for hurting her, as well as for the letter.

When you grow up you may regret what you wrote. Talk is better because they will better understand what you mean. Don't fight with them! Try to make them understand how you feel, and listen to their feelings as well. They love you, even if you don't think it's true. Don't break their hearts! Talk to them.

 

Yeah i wouldnt go through with it. Would just get u in more troubble, bite ur toung, just chill,

 

bad idea.

if you think you need more freedom move out and support your damn self. If you live under someone else's house, you live under their rules. If you can't control yourself you need help...not your parents.

though I didn't always agree with my parents ways/rules, I either hid my offenses (which for some reason you can't seem to do,) or I appreciated that they cared about me. Sad that you don't.

 

you'd be surprised as to how much you hate them now and how close you all will become when you are adults...

 

the letter is a very bad idea

 

been there... My parents are the same way. it's funny because exactly 1 week ago my parents tried to kick me out of the house and called the cops on me.here's how it went down though. I do nothing at all but sit around all day now because I got kicked out of school for something that completely wasn't my fault, I'm not the type of person to yell or be flamboyant in any kind of manor. so I ask my mom if I can go out and do shit because I haven't done shit since I got kicked out of school and started going to this weird school 5 months ago. my parents are the outcome of too much aderall, even though they've never done it. I guess you can consider them nazis but no like legit nazis. anyway I told my mom I was bored and she started bitching at me for no reason so I told her to stop yelling because I only told her I was bored. then that really made her made then she called the cops on me for some reason and told me to get the fuck out. she told the cops she was gonna kick me out or something I'm not totaly sure. so I waited in front of my house for the fuz, and they came and one talked to me and the other talked to my mom. then the one that talked to my mom told me to just go out and do what I wanted because she legally can't do anything about it because by law I live with her until I'm 18. so ever since that day which was a week ago I've been doing whatever the fuck I wanted and I don't have to listen to this odd creature.

hope my story helps you do what you want within reaSON

 

Oh kay, I'm back, and ready to bust your balls for your parents.

I read MOST of that, then skimmed the last third.

Woah, take a fucking step back and look at yourself.

You don't "deserve" a damned thing. What did you DO to deserve it? All you've done is show that not ONLY do you break the rules, but you SUCK at breaking the rules. So they let you smoke... and then what? You get caught and get them in deep shit and get yourself in foster care because they're letting you do drugs.

They fucking made you. They're supporting you, feeding you, sheltering you, in every sense keeping you alive. I say this from a similar position, and I practice what I preach. Me and my parents openly talk about things like this, I might write a letter, but not because I'm too much of a pussy to go rant to their face.

Your parents are strict because they love you. You have NOT shown them that you can handle yourself, you've shown quite the opposite, And now, AFTER that, THREE TIMES, you think they're about to let up?

If you where to write a letter outlining your desire for more freedom, with a better reason than that you think you "deserve" it, and to bring up the fact that there are different strokes for different folks, and that you like smoking pot but that it's not the end of the world and that you can agree to keep it out of their house and keep it from interfering with your life and theirs, that might be different.

Try again. I want you to write ME a letter (though directed at your parents) to assess, that tells exactly, in neutral words that express things other than your teenage angst, in detail, what kinds of resentment you where feeling BEFORE you smoked, WHILE you smoked, AFTER you got caught, WHY you got caught MORE, and everything else. Use logic, don't just try to be hurtful. Being hurtful and bitchy in your letter will only make them clamp down tighter, to try to squeeze the douchebaggyness out of you.

If you'll write that, I'll help you all I can. Tutor style, I won't write it for you, but I'll help you figure out what you need to write. I'll also IM or whatever else is needed, if you really wanna figure out and solve your problem.

For the meantime, don't do or say anything stupid with regards to your parents, and don't do anything they've forbidden you from.

 

You have a fine life, with great potential, and you're going to flush it down the toilet, along with all your family ties, just because your mom has an emotional imbalance. Sounds like she might have thyroid problems. I can do some "counseling" with you, too, if you so desire. Bur my goal would be to reconcile you with your parents, not to support and encourage your immaturity.

 

to be honest I think this letter makes you sound like a spoiled and overly dramatic teenager.

Your parents are strict because they love and care about you. My mom was pretty strict on me growing up. I hated it at the time; I was jealous of my friends who were allowed to smoke cigarettes and weed and didn't have curfew. I had an 11 oclock curfew until I turned 18. I wasn't allowed to do anything on school nights, and it seemed like all my other friends were allowed to run wild and do whatever they wanted. I hated it, but guess what? I graduated high school with honors. I got accepted into a good college. I learned discipline. I developed a love of learning because I wasn't allowed to go out and party on school nights, I actually had to stay home and study.

I really appreciate the fact that my mom was strict now. She didn't do it to be a bitch or to punish me, she did it because she wanted me to grow up into a responsible and level-headed adult. And I did. I think I turned out pretty damn good and I owe that all to the way my mother raised me.

Some of my old friends with permissable parents didn't even graduate high school because their parents never forced them to go to school. Thats sad. Its much better to have strict parents than parents who don't give a fuck what you do with your life. Trust me on this.

I think you should tear that letter up and write your parents a letter telling them how much you appreciate their love.

Oh, and your parents do remember what its like to be your age. Thats probably exactly what motivates them to keep you in line and be so strict.

 

Coming here for help is useless. Only you know your true situation while we only know our own. I have some very irrational parents who are absolutely horrible people but I do not care because eventually I will move out.

I may not like them but I do love them because they're my parents and they love me because I am their son and no matter how great or small that love is it still resides in you and losing your parents or children will be the worst thing that will happen to you so make sure you appreciate them while they're around.

 

I would rep you sweetie, but it said I couldn't.

 

your wise. and I mean that in a good way.

 

This may or may not help, but I´m actually in the exact same position that you´re in.

My parents are very strict conservative christians, and they found my pipe about 4 weeks ago.

They freaked out completely.. I ended up writing them this letter. It didn´t solve everything right away, but now we are on good terms again.

(I don´t know if this will actually help you at all, you seem more interested in bitching about how they´re responsible for all of your problems rather than actually looking to resolve the problem. If that´s all you´re interested in doing, please do everyone a favor and shut the fuck up. No one likes a whiny teenager who ´needs´ to go on a rant about their teen angst and how horrible their life is when millions of people are actually having real problems everywhere else in the world.)

I did leave a few parts out, this is just the general idea.

 

Some of you should be glad your parents even give a shit about you, others aren't so lucky.