Funny Jail Story

I was in jail one time and one of the female guards walked by and I got hard without trying. She noticed and told her female guard friend. I got more and more brave and started touching myself, removing clothing, etc. Before you know it, all the female guards and nurses would know me as the guy who exposed himself and looked at them while I masturbated. They would pose themselves and bend over, etc. to give me good visuals to jerk off to. I probably exposed myself to about 60 different women during my incarceration and they all seemed to love it. Lol. Jail is fun!

 

so i guess you must have been in some kind of solitary cell

mostly because i imagine the other guys would beat your face in if they had to see that

 

No, I just waited until they were asleep, or arranged the blanket to hide myself. But yea one time a guy came at me with a shoe lol. He told the guards and they moved me to a different cell.

 

Yea, exactly.

 

celled up with this old man in his 60's he was running the water later in the night.. old jail, asshole neighbor in the next cell come over in the morning threating my cellie the 60yr old man. I tell the asshole "what the old man cant get a drink of water in the middle of the night ?" he got all mouthy the water pipes are waking him up and I said come on in here. he wasnt a foot over our doorway when his skull was meet with a lock in a sock. I put on my boots and went to breakfast and told the guards to clean up the mess in my cell. asshole was taken out on a stretcher and later transfered to another doc. inmates in surrounding cells defended our position in knocking him the fuck out. ya just dont enter another mans cell. a jail golden rule ..

 

I just did 4 years, 2 in county, 2 in state. It wasn't bad at all. I thought the people were cool for the most part, but I had a good acid trip going so that helped. It's pretty easy to avoid those situations, just don't steal from people and don't be stupid.

 

What were you locked up for? And what do you mean you had a good acid trip going for...four years??

 

OP-that is not a funny jail story....unless somehow you think the definition of funny is ''sick and twisted''.......honestly dude...no one here will believe female jail guards were posing so you could wack off.. ......you need some help....stop cluttering up the forum with this kind of garbage

 

Really cause I was there. You think I give a fuck if you believe me or not. Sometimes, they gave me extra trays of food and one of them even asked when I was getting out and if I had a place to stay when I got out. They would say "thanks for the show." Call me a fucking liar.

I mean I had a lingering acid trip going for basically the first 3 years out of my 4 year sentence. I was locked up for "cyberstalking".... This girl made plans to meet me, then backed out, and I got high on acid and started sending her 1000 messages online, which I vaguely even remember doing.

 

Im not sure I can still help you with your online dating profile.

 

Oh I got that taken care of.

 

Does anybody feel sympathy for OP?

 

so that's ur story and ur stickin' to it .. i am imagining a quite different scene as to what really happened in jail tho

 

did this happen in jail or at band camp?

 

Right and once again, I speak the truth and everyone calls me a liar. Cause you've been to jail, right? Have you? Or did you just hear about it or see it on tv? Which one? Cause I have so what do you know. This place is fucking retarded.

 

you started a bestiality thread....dude...your mind is unwell.....get help.....

hey?....those 500 women...I can see how you turned them down now.....totally believable....they were animals weren't they.....you a sheep farmer?

 

Wow, doctor dave!

 

That thread was one of those "sarcastic" internet things.... you know just making a joke in the "kinky" forum. Read some of those other ones... guys asking about getting their butts licked... talking about all kinds of nasty shit... mine was just a joke

 

Well, there's a good rule of thumb in psychology which says that nothing is ever 100% just a joke.

 

Okay well I just walked by a dog grooming store on my way to the convenient store. I saw a dog in the window and though "how cute!".... I didn't think "That dog is HOT!!". Lol.