how to be open-minded to real sex

This is your problem, you don't get to know them first. Women are not made to be sex specialists they are women, each with likes and dislikes. Like you, we don't get get brought up on sex education except for where babies come from.
Chances are they didn't just think of themselves but more have certain things they will do and you expected more of what you like, and IMO hat you saw being done to others.
Most guys will try to find the one who works out for themselves. Next time take a little test drive, a few months dating and find out what she wants and if it's right for you. If you pick a gold digger the. You are at fault as well. Men can be gold diggers too so we have to pick well also. Be wise next time.

 

Personally, I wouldn't be ashamed if I needed to pay for sex. If I really wanted sex and I couldn't get it, I would pay for it. It's not a big deal to me.

Anyways, the things that might help, considering I've never been in this situation, I think would be going to an escort service instead of getting some female off the street. That might insure that you don't get a female that has a sexually transmitted disease or is just not properly hygienic. I'm pretty sure some escort services allow you to know about that kind of stuff, if you ask. I also think the escort services would be nice for everything else that involves sex, like a nice date, etc. If you get a girl off the streets, it might just be hop in the car, have sex for 5-20 minutes, and you both go your separate ways.

Good luck!

 

hi I am by no means feeling guilty or ashamed of paying for sex. And, it is not about sex disease something. I only feel very uncomfortable having sex with a woman I don't know. That's why I am already 30 now, but I never have sex with any paid woman (or prostitutes). BUT I ALWAYS WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM. It's a kind of mental struggling. I am not talking about morality. I just hope to overcome that kind of feeling and go for my first paid sex experience.

 

Your words are a little bit extreme.

I do not only know to ask for sex from my girls and I almost always respect them. But they always do not devote to sex and not even look like to enjoy it even a little bit of it. After spending lots of time and effort with them the result is only some boring sex. I know women are not born to be sex specialists

 

I understand.

If I was in your position, I would go out with an escort on a date prior to having sex with them. Make a whole day out of it.

 

That's funny, 'cause I'm totally not rich and my girlfriend is half my age. How would you explain that one?

So you were not attracted to your girlfriends... Oh darn, lol. xD Well, no wonder you didn't enjoy sex! If you're not with someone who you're really attracted to, then what's the point? Personally, I don't see any point whatsoever, and sure, of course the sex would be lacking. And it would be lacking in the emotional bond type department. That makes a LOT of difference.

OK, go fuck a prostitute and see if your situation improves. I mean, come on. You only want sex, you actually GOT THAT from your past girlfriends but you weren't satisfied. So what makes you think that having sex with a prostitute would be any different? But hey, you're an adult. Find out for yourself.

All the best,
::The AT::

 

It was the same with me. It probably took me 10 years, but once I did it, a new stage in my life came. It's been about 15 years, and I couldn't be happier about having had the guts. It helps that my first time was wonderful and memorable. Sheer luck.

 

Everyone has preferences when it comes to whom they're attracted to. I don't know all the preferences of this guy, but he wants a tall, curly haired, blonde haired woman, who is an expert at sex in terms of giving him what he wants.

Even though, we all have preferences, for some of us it's hard to find a real life example of those preferences and when that happens, we tend to settle for people who we're not attracted to because they don't fall into our preferences. And sometimes it works, that settling. And sometimes it doesn't. In this case, when he settled for his two past girlfriends, it didn't work out. But, maybe the prostitute will work out. I mean he gets to pick them out, so he can get the tall, curly haired blonde. And odds are, they're experts.

Well, you got lucky. Not everyone is that lucky with it comes to mating. Actually, studies show that relationships with a large gap aren't successful, as in they don't last.

It seems like people think because they had this luck when it comes to mating that everyone else is the same and if they're not, something is wrong with them. Which might be the case in some occasions, but I think mating is a lot more complicated than that. We're talking about someone who looks different than you, has a different personality than you, has a different life than you, lives in another location, he doesn't even sound like he knows English as his first Language and accents make a huge difference in mating, has different sexual needs than you, etc. While things worked out for you, there are a lot of people who are struggling when it comes to mating.

 

Oh, I totally understand that. My own personal preferences say a natural redhead who is shorter than I am, with a little bit of freckles, red pubes, green eyes, so on so forth. That certainly is NOT my girlfriend, but then I for one perceive preferences to be just that: preferences. I believe we shouldn't let them actually rules us completely when it comes to finding the right partner. I suppose I've just been lucky because I also find brunettes and blondes attractive as well, plus I'm not all that picky when it comes to height and eye colour, either.

Yeah, but what about the actual compatibility based on each other's personality? That to me is VERY important. I mean, is the OP THAT specific in terms of who he wants as a romantic partner? Excuse me, I guess he isn't necessarily interested in a relationship, he just wants sex. My apologies. But still, sex with a random someone will be just sex in my opinion. And my opinion is that, if he truly wanted satisfaction out of the sex he had with someone, then he would most likely have a better luck if he actually had a deep emotional connection with them. So in his case, a gorgeous, tall, curly blonde, who he can really connect on a deep emotional level. Well hey, maybe he'll find her someday!

Of course I did. But then again, maybe it was fate and I for one like to think that she and I were meant to cross paths when we did, anyway. One thing people tend to forget is that a relationship is about compatibility and communication. It's about two people being attracted to each other, generally finding it easy to communicate with each other, easy to get along with each other, and easy to communicate with each other some more. Age doesn't necessarily interfere with any of these things as long as the two parties involved can stay on the same page emotionally throughout their relationship. I personally believe that the studies show what they show only because there are so many ageism going on in this world, and also because the system has been trying so hard to keep people, especially young people, from becoming more intelligent and powerful than they otherwise can...which, basically, is part of ageism, anyway.

Are we talking about "mating", or finding a "right partner"? If it was just sex, then he can just fuck a tall, curly blonde hooker, and get it over with. Simple as that. And I didn't say everyone would be the same in terms of how lucky, or unlucky. What I'm saying is that, essentially, the "struggling" may be an indicator that they might not even be looking in the right direction after all. In the case of the OP, right now we know he only wants sex. But he's very specific about what he wants at the same time. So let's say he got what he "wanted", and if he ends up being happy with it, then cool. More power to him. But what if he doesn't? Then it's the same shit all over again, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was because of the lack of emotional connection. He'd be back to square one, and now I don't know what he's going to do with his so-called preferences, if that ever happened.

He wants to be "open-minded" about the situation, so I'm basically here expressing my outlook on it. It sounds like he perceives sex to be something he sees in porn, and I believe one of the VERY first things he needs to do is to realize that Porn Is NOT REAL Sex. I suggest he watch a movie called Don Jon with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. That movie, while very funny, is also a pretty clever movie and it has messages, if one is intelligent enough to pick up on them.

 

I'm the same way. I have this ideal male; 5'6" to 5'8", average built, maybe he has a little potbelly going on, but overall he is thin, but not skinny, olive tanned skin, so not too dark or pale, kind of like he gets pale during the colder seasons, but naturally tans in the warmer seasons, brown eyes, brown hair, and stuff like that. But, in reality I'm quite flexible with my preferences and I've been attracted to other physical appearances. Same goes for other people because that's a given, as in I think that's how most people work.

What I'm saying is there are some people who have preferences and are more adamant about them, and I think that's fine too. I don't think it means they're wrong. It's not good or bad, it's just a preference, a choice, whatever. But, so often I see people making preferences into something bad. For example, if a guy wants a big breasted woman that is NOT OVERWEIGHT, he is a pervert and he is unrealistic because only overweight women have large breasts, unless you want fake breasts because only skinny women who have large breasts, have those large breasts because they're implants. On top of that, why are you hating on overweight woman, asshole? Or me for example, I want a guy who has a potbelly? Daddy issues, much? Or why would you want a short guy? Ew. Because the only attractive men in life are above 6'.

On top of all this, anyone who talks about physical preferences only is seen as shallow, which is the end of the world for some people. When I think it's just harder for people to talk about personality than appearances, when it comes to preferences. For example, I want a guy that is a nice person that makes me laugh. That's a given, though. The only other option is a guy who beats me up and makes me cry, and obviously I don't want that. See how harder it is to talk about personality than it is appearance? Also, if someone only concerns themselves with appearance when it comes to preferences, what is the big deal? It's their choice to do that. Going back to talking about personality in terms of preferences, if we're talking about lifestyle in terms of preferences, I get that. For example, me... again, I want someone who is a vegetarian, but isn't health conscious, because I'm a vegetarian, but I eat and live unhealthily. And yea, people don't talk about lifestyle neither, even though it's easier to talk about. It's always sexual or physical preferences, which makes you think they're just concerned about that. But, if they are, what is the big deal? Again, going back to it being a personal choice. And I still don't think someone who shares solely that in terms of preferences is interested in just that, it's just that's the easier thing to discussed because you will probably get judgement for liking redheads, as far as physical preferences go, but you will definitely get judgement if you want a woman that is Christian, as far as lifestyle goes. That's just an example because I'm trying to lay off me being the example.

The thing is I can't gather the same information as you from the information he provided. All I know, from what he wrote, is that he wants a curly, blonde haired woman who is an expert at sex, in terms of giving him what he wants. I don't know what he wants, if it's just sex or a relationship. I don't know if it's something totally different than those two options. I don't know what entails being an expert. He said he wants someone that is nice, I don't know what that means. He also said he wants someone who is beautiful, again... I don't know what that means. Which I think goes back to what I was expressing above, this thing that happens when a group of people get together and begin to share their preferences, only to result in these people expressing that this preference is right while this preference is wrong, and this is the reason why you're like this or this is happening to you, etc. That's a lot to gather from, "Yea, bro... I like me some Asian women." Okay, this thread wasn't like that, but you know what I mean.

I wouldn't know if he thinks that about porn from what he wrote. He did make note of watching tons of porn, but that's all I know. I can't tell if he thinks porn is real or not. And even if he does, why is that bad? Why is that the source of his problem? I'm betting in this vast world of people, he can find someone who thinks porn is real too and there you go, match made. Sure, it will be harder. Maybe he would have to seek other avenues than your typical avenues, but it's his choice.

I think as long as two or more people are in the same developmental stage in their life, no matter what age... it can work like any other relationship.

 

Also the problem is many women are shy about sex, like it's an icky thing until brought to the point of excitement. I wasn't trying to be harsh but more to the point without serving you any bull shit. Why bull shit you? You are asking for real help in understanding. Might be you weren't aggressive towards sex and they weren't either which causes a stand still kind of effect. You have to look for a lady who is as horny as you to make sure it's a two sided thing rather then you wanting and them not so much. You did say the two you were with weren't sexually attractive to you, that kills it right there for you even if you try hard.
People tend to think opposites attract, maybe so but in sex that can be a bad thing. You need someone who makes you want them, sex is great then.
I couldn't be with someone who found sex to be just a part of our relationship, needs to be an important part of what I get involved in. Tis why I won't jump in with just anyone, sex might be good for a night or two and fool me into thinking it's always gonna be that way when it might not.
Test the waters more before letting them into your life or you chance finding many things different for you and them. I am not suggesting messing in bed with many and taking those chances, more like, feel someone you like out in all angles and don't expect certain things, someone might surprise you with something she knows, then let it happen.

 

Man the in-depth analysis and discussion on this thread is awesome.

 

Lolz, i'd give it about an 80% chance you dont want to face the whole explanation

Seriously, all that in the same paragraph? Not attracted to then whats the point...but "emotional bond" makes a lot of difference. Do you talk like that to women/couples your own age with your girlfriend next to you.

And you are advising this guy on what exactly? Not to go to hookers that will be the same age as your girlfriend

 

Oh, I faced it alright, and that's why we're still together and the relationship is thriving better than ever.

What are you talking about? I just meant that being with someone who you're attracted to in a whole sense makes a big difference, because there's a strong emotional bond that makes various aspects of a relationships that much more special. And sure, I can talk like this in front of anyone, why not? *scratches head*

I'm merely suggesting that he value emotional connection more, if he wants good sex. It's not so unlike the correlation between meditation and levitation. Some people have been known to levitate as a "byproduct" of meditation, but a meditation instructor once explained to me that, to levitate, one must not focus on levitation from the get-go. One must first learn to be able to meditate well, then there maybe a chance that one day one realizes(or not realizes) that one is levitating.

In the case of the OP, he has been unsuccessful in getting good sex, and I really do believe a lot of it has to do with the way he perceives sex in general. He says he wants to have a romantic this and that with a tall blonde, but his focus is only on sex. It's like in Don Jon, the main character Jon is a porn addict and he is all about selfish sex until this woman, Esther, shows him that satisfying sex happens when two people really CONNECT. It's the sex where one takes pleasure in pleasuring one's partner more so than one's own pleasure. The sex where two souls become one, not just two bodies. A "byproduct" of that is, usually, extremely satisfying sex. At any rate, that's the kind of idea that I'm trying to introduce to the OP. I don't think it's a bad advice in any case, I mean, if you can connect with your partner in that way then that's naturally a good thing, isn't it? xD

 

Sorry as I noticed there is a line of conversation going on here, but I have to change the train of thought a little.

Just wonder, rubberloverhk, apart from the reasons above, do you think there could be more issues that involve you rather than girls you met?

For example, your username: rubber lover. Does it imply you are a rubber lover and likes (perhaps fantasizes) kinky sex?

Next, when you masturbates do you have strong sexual thoughts that you would equate as having sex? In other words, do you think having sex will feel like masturbating?

I suspect your grip is too hard when masturbating and that makes "real" sex less tight and hence not satisfying.

Since you had sex only twice, sorry but I would say, you're still a beginner.

What do you think having sex really is?

Before I conclude, I suggest you put off your desire to visit pros until you know what you want from a real sexual encounter. Otherwise, having sex with pros could feel exactly like your first two encounters and you'll be more down after that. My $0.02 for now.